Frustration!

I had on distinctly frustrating thing happen today at work that I wanted to get out. I went on a ride-along visit with the other chaplain, a Catholic priest. The man we were visiting was lethargic. Even small conversation seemed to take so much out of him. But at one point in the talk he said to my colleague, "I don't know if they told you, but I got really sick a while back." As he kept talking, "a while back" turned out to be a couple of weeks ago. He said very seriously and wide-eyed, "I couldn't breathe...I thought that was it." Hearing him my breathe caught in my chest. I wanted to ask, "How did you feel?" but my co-worker spoke first. Finger pointing at the patient: "Did you pray??" he asked in what I considered an aggressive tone. Weakly he said, "Of course." "Good!" said my colleague and then he chuckled a little. And that was it! What the hell!? This man seemed to need to talk about this. He had what he thought was his last moment in life and my co-worker treated it so frivolously! I felt insulted to share the same title. It was an awful moment. I didn't realize how angry it made me until I had left this man's presence and no longer felt the need to emotionally censor myself for the situation.

I feel the need to share this with someone at work, and the best choice seems to be my big boss. To talk to my immediate supervisor seems out of the question. She oversees both of us and does not seem trustworthy to me yet. My super boss has made herself very approachable and has encouraged me and invited me to talk with her. I don't know what I expect to be done about the situation. I am glad that there will be some variety among the spiritual caregiving. The end goal is that the other spiritual coordinator will be assigned to most of the Catholic patients and I will get the others. That suits me well. He can offer catholic patients rituals and prayers that I feel less comfortable and authentic with. And maybe I'll get the patients and families who are disgruntled with religion. I would love to represent a new way of considering spirituality. For instance, I think it is a spiritual gift to share a meaningful and heartfelt conversation with someone. Just one of the many ways in which the other caregiver and I differ.

I need to get this off my chest. And if I am ever to bring up the different to my coworker directly, I need to work through these feelings of anger first away from him.