Representing One's Religion and Faith

I was having a conversation with a dear friend the other night. She too is Unitarian Universalist. When she had just begun attending the local UU church here, it was at a time when she worked at a very mono-religious place. She didn't fit the primary religious culture there, but the topic of religion and faith came up often. She was put into the position of explaining and representing her faith. This was all as a very recent UU who was early on in her own personal faith within this religion! She was questioned about her faith, and not just on a personal level. She was asked to explain the entirety of the religion. That is a tough task for anyone! However, I think it's even more difficult to ask someone to play this role when they are not a part of the dominant faith culture.

Most UUs I know are expected to have an "elevator speech" prepared that describes our faith because it's not a part of common understanding. This is true even among UUs because our faith is so personalized. Our faith does not require absolutes and answers. It's more about a searching and seeking for what is authentic for oneself. It does not mean "everything goes." It means finding ways to promote love, understanding, and personal responsibility. I think it's a difficult enough task to try to find an authentic way to live out one's faith without feeling the need to explain and, in some cases, defend it. There seems to be a precarious balance between a personal journey and representing it. One is an internal and the other external.

I still have a difficult time identifying my faith and what drives me at times. And I'm still really not comfortable saying "I'm not a Christian" because there are so many ramifications regarding my life as a Chaplain. But my truth is that I do believe that Jesus, among other leaders, was a guru and sage. I think he was a wise man who challenged conventional wisdom, did not fit the norm or expected, and promoted love and acceptance. But I cannot find truth or a need to believe in the story of the resurrection. His life is enough for me. I find encouragement and hope in his story as well as in the stories of other religious, political, social and scientific leaders throughout the ages.

My husband made an interesting point one day that has stuck with me. He said he thinks he is "culturally, but not religiously, Christian." We, as a part of the US culture, partake in Christmas and, to a lesser extent, Easter because we were raised within that culture. Does it speak to us religiously? No. But do we still find meaning in some of the rituals, especially those that gather our families together? Yes. I compare it to a person who identifies as Jewish because it is a part of their cultural makeup, but not necessarily a part of their daily or weekly life.

This past Sunday, my church's minister said something I appreciated and agree with: the world is changing. The religious landscape of our country is also changing. And many religions are going to have a difficult time because they are based on ideas that are more or less fixed. But Unitarian Universalism was and is built on a foundation able to shift and change much like the buildings of California able to move safely during earthquakes. It's current and willing to shift. My hope is that it will continue to have foundations of love, hope, and peace.

The subjects in this blog are so difficult for me to share in such an open forum, especially the part about not being a Christian, that I don't plan on sharing in on Facebook as I have with my last couple of blog posts. But I'm grateful that I was open and honest in this post and am still hopeful that someone might read it and value it.

Being Someone's "Angel"

Recently, I was sitting with one of my hospice patients who told me she wanted to spend our time together watching "The Price is Right." Works for me! She made a specific request, and I got to fulfill her wish. This particular episode was entirely for nurses. Every person in the audience was a nurse. Most of you out there probably know that Drew Carey is now the host. As each person who became a contestant came down he would ask them what type of nursing they were in. One of the ladies said she was a hospice nurse. It was the first response to which he showed more than a little interest and he responded with something like, "Aw. My mom was on hospice and was taken care of by people like you. You guys are angels."

There it is. "You guys are angels."

Then another day recently, I saw a homeless man on the side of the road. My heart breaks every time this happens. I don't know what put this person there, but I'm more likely to assume it's systemic in its cause. So I bought him dinner and brought it to him. His name was Tom and he thanked me deeply and sincerely. Then he added, "I was praying God would send me an angel and then you showed up."

There it was again. Being someone's angel.

Today, I was visiting a patient I hadn't seen for several weeks. We sang old hymns together and I read to her from verses of the Bible she requested. She told me stories from her life and I sat there, trying to make out her words which are often soft and difficult to understand. As I was about to leave she held my hand, squeezed it with her fading strength and said, "You're my angel." It choked me up.

To her, I was her angel.

A phrase that I used to just brush aside with an embarrassed "thank you" has now stuck with me and has made me wonder: what are the qualities that make someone an "angel" to someone else?

I think kindness and compassion are two of the largest pieces. To be gentle, caring, and willing to sit and listen. To hold someone's hand who's feeling lonely or afraid. To make someone smile and laugh. To share yourself with them and make a deep, abiding connection. To give out of love and compassion. Maybe these are some of the characteristics of a modern-day angel. They seem to be what has brought forth this sweet description lately. I appreciate things that help me embrace the simple/deep/wonderful connections that I find the most valuable. I will continue to think about what it means to be someone's angel. But I will choose not to overthink it and lose the beauty and sweetness of the compliment.

I want to close out this entry with one of my favorite quotes. I think it's another worthy reminder of what is good, and lovely, and true:

“To laugh often and much; To win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children; To earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends; To appreciate beauty, to find the best in others; To leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch, or a redeemed social condition; To know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded.” ~Ralph Waldo Emerson


Blessings,
Kelley

The Cultural Location of Chaplaincy

My first experience of ever embracing the role of "Chaplain" was in Santa Monica, CA, where I was required/encouraged to introduce myself as one of the "Interfaith Chaplains" offered by the hospital. This was during my pre-UU days and it was interesting to be designated as interfaith even though I had only ever identified as Christian before. But something about that description resonated with me. Although, looking back I realize with blatant awareness that I was woefully ignorant of caring for others outside of Christianity. In that job, I learned how it can be a spiritual experience to learn Radiohead songs to sing with the Music Therapist on the Pediatrics floor with the kids. And that being present can be deeply healing. I recall that when my internship was ending, I was really mourning the loss of being a Chaplain.

Then after I graduated, I became a Hospice Chaplain for the first time in Ventura, CA. Some random things I miss about Ventura County are all the Spanish names for cities and street signs. There's very little trilling of R's in the South. Here, my Chaplaincy took on a new shape as most of my patients were Roman Catholic Latinos. I learned to retrieve resources from the local Catholic churches and to humbly offer them to patients and their families. At this job, I learned the value of cultural curiosity and sensitivity. When I made a genuinely caring effort, I was met halfway and then I could join the people I was caring for as we continued the journey together. I also gained a significant amount of confidence as a Chaplain. Not in a boasting, "Look at me, I'm THE Chaplain." But more in a, "I really value what I'm doing, I know I can be calm in the midst of chaos" kind of way. It was interesting though, because overall, many of my patients still weren't actively religious.

And then I moved to the Bible Belt. Whew. It has been an adjustment. To explain a little, I'd like to reference a conversation that I had with a fellow seminarian and Chaplain. She was doing her Chaplain Residency in New York. Most of the people she visited were not Christian, but a part of another faith or no particular faith group. She was hoping to hone her skills as a Christian Chaplain, but was finding this difficult because she didn't get a lot of practice in her cultural location. I, on the other hand, felt like I was a fish out of water in the opposite way. I would have loved to hone my skills at addressing the needs of people who are not Christians, but I'm a Unitarian Universalist in the Bible Belt, mostly caring for people who are conservative or fundamentalist Christians. And yet, I feel like my skill set is adjusting to this particular cultural location, to help me care for the people whose spirituality has been entrusted to me.

However, I did have a brief moment of panic (can it really be called panic if it's brief?) where I worried that my skills were becoming so fine-tuned for the people I care for now, that I would be deficient if Dan and I decided to move (which is not being considered, just an fyi). After presenting this fear to Dan, he calmly chimed in that he thought I had always adjusted my Chaplaincy to where we lived, and that he was fully confident that I could do it again.

So this post was a response to the actuality that I had indeed adapted by Chaplaincy style to the various cultural locations in which we've lived. It was a review and a relief. I'm also extremely grateful to have had the experience I did in the United Methodist Church growing up, because my church of origin gifted me with many skills I use often for my weekly visits. Visits which most often include: singing from my UM Hymnal with patients of various protestant backgrounds, reading from the Bible, reading from other literature and poetry, hearing and encouraging the telling of life stories, and praying (often in a way that reflects the conservative beliefs of the patient/family).

I still want to develop my ministerial identity for those who are UU or at least not a part of the mainstream religious identity here. For that, I look to my Worship Committee experience at my church and the various opportunities I'm given to pray in a non-conservative Christian way. The language is different and much more freeing. And yet, because the majority of my verbal prayers as a Chaplain do not feel reflective of UU, I feel out of practice every time I step up to the pulpit at my church. Being allowed and encouraged to use vocabulary like, "Spirit of love and of love, God of many names and many expressions..." and "in the name of all that is Holy, Amen"...they open possibilities. I feel like it could be worthwhile to write prayers and phrases down that are more true to who I am spiritually. A spiritual discipline perhaps?

Here are a few stirring phrases that I would like to use at my UU church in prayer:

God and Goddess, known to many in countless ways
Resonate within us a feeling of hope, connection, love and creativity
May we experience and recognize the blessings in our lives
May we ruminate in gratitude, deeply feeling all that which we have to be grateful for
For experiences that cause us distress, sadness, and mourning, may we be surrounded by the love of supportive souls...who nourish our pains with words of encouragement, loving hugs, and soulful presence.
When we are happy and want to celebrate, may we find people who help our joy double because they share it with us.
May we as a community of faith stand together throughout each others' life story
We have many histories gathered together, and yet we all ended up in this space, at this time...what a gift and a blessing in itself to be here. Now.
Let us all take a deep breath in while we ponder how fortunate we are to be in each others' presence.
In gratitude, in love, in mourning and in hope, we pray together in the name of all that is Holy and Sacred, Amen.

(Update since this was first posted: I prayed these words today at my UU Fellowship. I weaved them in with words that came in the moment and it was a beautifully spiritual experience.)