Today was about running all over town getting miscellaneous things for our apartment. The time altogether was exhausting and not very productive as only a few things off our list were found. But right now, I'm sitting on the couch listening to an unidentifiable Reba McEntire song coming from a neighbor's apartment. The wind is blowing. And there's the fragrance of a smoky grill wafting through the air. Izzie explores our new purchases sniffing them for quality control. It is a lovely Sunday evening.
Yesterday was a sad day for me as I felt my first deep pangs of loneliness and from separation my friends. During that time, something happened that was significant for me. When a friend called, and I was wallowing in self-pity, I ignored her call. But then I realized that doing so was increasing my loneliness. I have a pattern of turning inward when I get sad and, occasionally, depressed. So I made the effort to call her back. She had had an oppressive week at work. So she cried and talked about that. I told her of my loneliness and, in sharing, I felt my heart reach out to this dear friend over the miles. By the end of the conversation I felt distinctively better.
Now, I'm off to another low-key but enjoyable evening. I'll cook dinner in the kitchen, the only room that is together looking. Then I'll watch a movie with my husband and probably unpack some more boxes. yesterday was productive in the home office. Maybe we can make our way through some more and I'll feel even more proud of the home we're creating here.
"Home is where they love you."
Sunday, June 29, 2008
Friday, June 27, 2008
A Few Firsts
Hello all. I have experienced a few firsts in the past couple of days that I thoughts I'd mention. Most of them are just random, everyday things that I've done for the first time here.
I washed dishes in our new dishwasher for the first time. There's a water saving setting on it that makes me happy. We hung up our first wall decor: wrought iron candle holders that go around a doorway. We also took our first nighttime walk on the beach. It was lovely. I overdressed, trying not to get cold. So I got too hot, but it was still nice.
I had my first SBLT (soy bacon, lettuce and tomato) here along with the first cup of coffee in my new coffeemaker. All of these things are nice and make me feel like I'm beginning to settle in just a bit. I want to get the boxes unpacked, our stuff put away or given away...and I want to hang photos and art on the walls. We also went to see "Wanted" which was our first movie after moving. It was definitely interesting and a good movie to watch and had some awesome special effects, not to mention unique action sequences.
I'm starting to feel really nervous about my job. I start a week from Monday. I keep trying to figure out what I'm supposed to do or who I'm supposed to be on my first day. Dan told me tonight that I should be my genuine self because that's who I was in the interview and who they hired. It didn't quite say it like that, but that's what I took from it. He also suggested that I think about calling my boss this week just to check in. I definitely felt good after talking to her in person and on the phone. And it's been long enough now that I feel more nervous and am having a lot of trouble remembering our conversations and the comfort I felt. I may just do it.
While Dan's mom was here, she kept saying how things seemed like they were meant to be in this move. like, we found a nice desk on clearance for $10 and could get rid of the one Dan's had for over a decade. We also got a lovely office chair. There are lavender plants and honeysuckle plants around our apartment, which are my two favorite smells. It's just been working out. I hope the same pattern will apply to Dan finding a job.
So, whatever you may do (pray, send good thoughts, etc) please do that for Dan to get a job.
I washed dishes in our new dishwasher for the first time. There's a water saving setting on it that makes me happy. We hung up our first wall decor: wrought iron candle holders that go around a doorway. We also took our first nighttime walk on the beach. It was lovely. I overdressed, trying not to get cold. So I got too hot, but it was still nice.
I had my first SBLT (soy bacon, lettuce and tomato) here along with the first cup of coffee in my new coffeemaker. All of these things are nice and make me feel like I'm beginning to settle in just a bit. I want to get the boxes unpacked, our stuff put away or given away...and I want to hang photos and art on the walls. We also went to see "Wanted" which was our first movie after moving. It was definitely interesting and a good movie to watch and had some awesome special effects, not to mention unique action sequences.
I'm starting to feel really nervous about my job. I start a week from Monday. I keep trying to figure out what I'm supposed to do or who I'm supposed to be on my first day. Dan told me tonight that I should be my genuine self because that's who I was in the interview and who they hired. It didn't quite say it like that, but that's what I took from it. He also suggested that I think about calling my boss this week just to check in. I definitely felt good after talking to her in person and on the phone. And it's been long enough now that I feel more nervous and am having a lot of trouble remembering our conversations and the comfort I felt. I may just do it.
While Dan's mom was here, she kept saying how things seemed like they were meant to be in this move. like, we found a nice desk on clearance for $10 and could get rid of the one Dan's had for over a decade. We also got a lovely office chair. There are lavender plants and honeysuckle plants around our apartment, which are my two favorite smells. It's just been working out. I hope the same pattern will apply to Dan finding a job.
So, whatever you may do (pray, send good thoughts, etc) please do that for Dan to get a job.
Monday, June 23, 2008
Moving Day!
Today we moved into our new apartment. And as exhausted as I am, I really want to remember a few things in this blog before completely collapsing.
We went to buy a refrigerator tonight and kept getting thwarted in our choices...out of stock, needed to be ordered, not the preferred color...Then we picked one! And they said, yes we have it!! Then...they didn't. But then. They showed us one that was $900. What!?! We can't afford that! The saleswoman said that they had one in the back that was in stock that had a scratch on it and could therefore be sold for a discounted price. Would we want that one? Maybe...depends on the scratch, we said. She rolled it out for us to see. Um...what scratch? Here, she said. It was less than a quarter of an inch big, and was a slightly blue-green color. AND it would be on the wall side anyway. How much?, we asked. $600. Sold!! More than we wanted to spend, but not by too much. And it's several cubic feet bigger, much nicer, and in a lovely silver color. Good way to end our day.
And now, I'm writing this blog in our living room...and I can hear the ocean waves through the open window. I have an alarm clock that simulates the sound of the ocean.
You know what?
This is infinitely better.
- We have amazing, wonderful friends who gave of their time, their strength and their laughter. Without them, this move probably would not have been possible.
- Dan's mom kept us organized and focused. She has helped so much. Without her this move certainly would not have happened, especially not as efficiently.
- We packed up the truck yesterday and it was 105 degrees in the Inland Empire. We moved today to Ventura County and the high temperature for the day was 73 degrees.
- We live a block from the beach. From our garage, we can see the sand. From our bathroom we can see the sand and the water. From our bedroom we can see the water. It. Is. Awesome.
- When walking on the beach tonight, I kept seeing small red speckles on the ground. Upon closer inspection, they turned out to be lady bugs!
- On the way into town tonight to find a refrigerator, we saw several wispy black streams in the air that we thought were smoke from campsite fires. They turned out to be massive swarms of bugs. After living in the desert, this is going to take some getting used to (again). Bug spray to be purchased tomorrow!
- As we walked back from the beach tonight, we saw our version of tumbleweed: a beach ball haphazardly bouncing along the road in the ocean wind
We went to buy a refrigerator tonight and kept getting thwarted in our choices...out of stock, needed to be ordered, not the preferred color...Then we picked one! And they said, yes we have it!! Then...they didn't. But then. They showed us one that was $900. What!?! We can't afford that! The saleswoman said that they had one in the back that was in stock that had a scratch on it and could therefore be sold for a discounted price. Would we want that one? Maybe...depends on the scratch, we said. She rolled it out for us to see. Um...what scratch? Here, she said. It was less than a quarter of an inch big, and was a slightly blue-green color. AND it would be on the wall side anyway. How much?, we asked. $600. Sold!! More than we wanted to spend, but not by too much. And it's several cubic feet bigger, much nicer, and in a lovely silver color. Good way to end our day.
And now, I'm writing this blog in our living room...and I can hear the ocean waves through the open window. I have an alarm clock that simulates the sound of the ocean.
You know what?
This is infinitely better.
Saturday, June 21, 2008
An Anniversary, a Renewed Calling, and the First Goodbyes
I wanted to partially update what has been going on here lately.
Dan and I celebrated our fourth wedding anniversary on Thursday. It was lovely and perfect. We slept in after an almost-interrupted night's sleep. The only interruption was a phonecall from my parents singing their annual "Happy Anniversary!" song on my voicemail. I woke up and lounged around some. Then I wrote a letter to my old boss, the Registrar at CST. And I made some business cards with our new address on it. Then we set off to check of some of the things on our to-do list.
Then we traipsed off to The Village, Claremont's downtown area. We had lunch in a super cheap and yummy Indian Food. Then we headed to a couple of of stores that we have loved. One is The Folk Music Center. Dan got me four new instruments for our fourth anniversary.
I got Clavas, as seen above. They're wooden sticks that you beat together to create an awesome beat. You can go in time with the rest of the music you're playing along with, or you can make your own rhythm to add depth to music. They are fun!
I also got a musical frog that makes me laugh and/or giggle every time I play it.
Above is a Coconut Thumb Drum almost exactly like the one I got. I can play several songs on it including "Jesu Joy of Man's Desiring" and "Happy Birthday" :)
I also got a rain stick which looks most like the 2nd and 3rd from the left. I hope to make peaceful music by the ocean when we move.
Last night, I took a break from packing to attend my third ordination service for a friend in the past few months. The first ordination service I went to was for my friend Joe. He and I had been discerning calls for chaplaincy around the same time, and he and I began being hospital chaplains (at different hospitals) at around the same time. It was so emotionally overwhelming seeing the the fruition of all his hard work come alive in that moment of stories, prayers, and laying on of hands. This service was just for Joe and I cried so much at each personal story, that I used my own shawl to stem the flow of tears having forgotten tissues. One woman actually leaned across the row and asked sincerely and in a worried voice, "Are you ok?" I just couldn't put into words how amazing it was to see Joe there getting ordained in the Metropolitan Community Church, a denomination very new. Joe has been involved with it on so many levels it just was perfect for him. Afterwards, he and I talked a lot and he said things like, "We'll be at one of these for you one day." I had been thinking that too in my mind and it was truly shocking to hear him say it. But so touching. But in the whirlwind of thesis writing and graduation I didn't think deeply about it.
Then, a few weeks ago I went to my second ordination service, this time Episcopalian, for a girl named Allie. She and I met in February 2005 and began seminary together that Fall. She and I shared a course our first year called "Vocational Discernment." My own discernment questions were about pondering whether or not I want to stay a Masters of Divinity student or transfer into the Master of Arts Program for Pastoral Care and Counseling. Allie's questions were focused on which denomination she wanted to pursue ordination within. She had been raised presbyterian but had many conflicts of theology, worship, and I think practice. She just didn't fit there. But she loved the ritual and history of the Episcopal Church and made a scary yet wonderful move to it. She was ordained and, again, it looked incredible. I was so happy to be a part of this day for her especially, as with Joe, all the memories of our years of friendship flashed in my mind as I watched this powerful and ritualistic moment.
Then last night, I saw my Chaplain Supervisor from the hospital get ordained as an Elder in the United Methodist Church. Again I forgot tissues and again I sobbed. But something was different and swelled within me even more intensely. I again felt a call to ordained ministry. But it was so strong that it threatened to swallow me whole last night. I made an immense, and ultimately successful effort to keep myself focused predominantly on the service in front of me. This one for Yuko was interesting because she was a part of a pivotal moment in my life where I became a chaplain for the first time. She and I had clashes at first, but worked through them. I like to think that at the end of my internship we became a lot closer. We talked things through together and trusted one another.
Last night's service was also different for a few main reasons. 1) I was raised United Methodist and felt a powerful draw to the connection I felt with the denomination of my upbringing. 2) It was at a UMC that I first felt a call to ministry and first felt so extremely and lovingly supported. 3) The Bishop who preached mentioned a North Carolina Church that I have visited and a missions organization that was a vastly important part of my life. I cried and cried thinking about how important so many of these memories were to me. I cried too remembering how special and spiritual I used to feel; how simple my faith was.
So here I am now feeling this sense of a call...and I don't know how to be who I am now and pursue ordination. I don't have the "right" degree for it having switched to an M.A. I have some ideas about where to begin. I have told my husband and one close friend about this feeling. I have a couple of people in the Unitarian Universalist Church I want to talk to, and one of them used to be United Methodist. Theoretically, the UU Church could let me be something of a "United Methodist Unitarian Universalist." But I wonder...will the UU Church be too free spirit for me? Will I want more grounding like I'm used to. I feel comfortable in the Judeo/Christian heritage. But I don't know if I will be satisfied with any church that is not open to other denominations or religions.
We shall see. A new dawn is on the horizon.
Dan and I celebrated our fourth wedding anniversary on Thursday. It was lovely and perfect. We slept in after an almost-interrupted night's sleep. The only interruption was a phonecall from my parents singing their annual "Happy Anniversary!" song on my voicemail. I woke up and lounged around some. Then I wrote a letter to my old boss, the Registrar at CST. And I made some business cards with our new address on it. Then we set off to check of some of the things on our to-do list.
Then we traipsed off to The Village, Claremont's downtown area. We had lunch in a super cheap and yummy Indian Food. Then we headed to a couple of of stores that we have loved. One is The Folk Music Center. Dan got me four new instruments for our fourth anniversary.
I got Clavas, as seen above. They're wooden sticks that you beat together to create an awesome beat. You can go in time with the rest of the music you're playing along with, or you can make your own rhythm to add depth to music. They are fun!
I also got a musical frog that makes me laugh and/or giggle every time I play it.
Above is a Coconut Thumb Drum almost exactly like the one I got. I can play several songs on it including "Jesu Joy of Man's Desiring" and "Happy Birthday" :)
I also got a rain stick which looks most like the 2nd and 3rd from the left. I hope to make peaceful music by the ocean when we move.
Last night, I took a break from packing to attend my third ordination service for a friend in the past few months. The first ordination service I went to was for my friend Joe. He and I had been discerning calls for chaplaincy around the same time, and he and I began being hospital chaplains (at different hospitals) at around the same time. It was so emotionally overwhelming seeing the the fruition of all his hard work come alive in that moment of stories, prayers, and laying on of hands. This service was just for Joe and I cried so much at each personal story, that I used my own shawl to stem the flow of tears having forgotten tissues. One woman actually leaned across the row and asked sincerely and in a worried voice, "Are you ok?" I just couldn't put into words how amazing it was to see Joe there getting ordained in the Metropolitan Community Church, a denomination very new. Joe has been involved with it on so many levels it just was perfect for him. Afterwards, he and I talked a lot and he said things like, "We'll be at one of these for you one day." I had been thinking that too in my mind and it was truly shocking to hear him say it. But so touching. But in the whirlwind of thesis writing and graduation I didn't think deeply about it.
Then, a few weeks ago I went to my second ordination service, this time Episcopalian, for a girl named Allie. She and I met in February 2005 and began seminary together that Fall. She and I shared a course our first year called "Vocational Discernment." My own discernment questions were about pondering whether or not I want to stay a Masters of Divinity student or transfer into the Master of Arts Program for Pastoral Care and Counseling. Allie's questions were focused on which denomination she wanted to pursue ordination within. She had been raised presbyterian but had many conflicts of theology, worship, and I think practice. She just didn't fit there. But she loved the ritual and history of the Episcopal Church and made a scary yet wonderful move to it. She was ordained and, again, it looked incredible. I was so happy to be a part of this day for her especially, as with Joe, all the memories of our years of friendship flashed in my mind as I watched this powerful and ritualistic moment.
Then last night, I saw my Chaplain Supervisor from the hospital get ordained as an Elder in the United Methodist Church. Again I forgot tissues and again I sobbed. But something was different and swelled within me even more intensely. I again felt a call to ordained ministry. But it was so strong that it threatened to swallow me whole last night. I made an immense, and ultimately successful effort to keep myself focused predominantly on the service in front of me. This one for Yuko was interesting because she was a part of a pivotal moment in my life where I became a chaplain for the first time. She and I had clashes at first, but worked through them. I like to think that at the end of my internship we became a lot closer. We talked things through together and trusted one another.
Last night's service was also different for a few main reasons. 1) I was raised United Methodist and felt a powerful draw to the connection I felt with the denomination of my upbringing. 2) It was at a UMC that I first felt a call to ministry and first felt so extremely and lovingly supported. 3) The Bishop who preached mentioned a North Carolina Church that I have visited and a missions organization that was a vastly important part of my life. I cried and cried thinking about how important so many of these memories were to me. I cried too remembering how special and spiritual I used to feel; how simple my faith was.
So here I am now feeling this sense of a call...and I don't know how to be who I am now and pursue ordination. I don't have the "right" degree for it having switched to an M.A. I have some ideas about where to begin. I have told my husband and one close friend about this feeling. I have a couple of people in the Unitarian Universalist Church I want to talk to, and one of them used to be United Methodist. Theoretically, the UU Church could let me be something of a "United Methodist Unitarian Universalist." But I wonder...will the UU Church be too free spirit for me? Will I want more grounding like I'm used to. I feel comfortable in the Judeo/Christian heritage. But I don't know if I will be satisfied with any church that is not open to other denominations or religions.
We shall see. A new dawn is on the horizon.
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
A's Letter
As I was going through papers and packing things tonight, I found the letter my friend A wrote me around Christmas last year. I thought I would document the beautiful sentiment that she wrote me.
12/24/07
Oh my dear friend -
Thank you for the note. It is a reality that most people don't ever get to a point in life where they know someone really does treasure them. I TREASURE YOU. It is so amazing that I have a friend like you. Best of all, it seems, is that the more real I am with you and open about my flaws and shortcomings, the closer we get and the more you accept me! I LOVE YOU :)
Have a wonderful New Year and know that you are one of the reasons I've survived this past year.
All my love -
A
I feel honored.
12/24/07
Oh my dear friend -
Thank you for the note. It is a reality that most people don't ever get to a point in life where they know someone really does treasure them. I TREASURE YOU. It is so amazing that I have a friend like you. Best of all, it seems, is that the more real I am with you and open about my flaws and shortcomings, the closer we get and the more you accept me! I LOVE YOU :)
Have a wonderful New Year and know that you are one of the reasons I've survived this past year.
All my love -
A
I feel honored.
Monday, June 16, 2008
Marriages
Marriages between same sex couples is now legal in California. I was just reading this article about one of the first couples to be married today, when the marriage licenses became attainable.
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/americas/7457968.stm
I'm weeping from happiness. The couple referenced in the above story has been together for 55 years. They have been pioneers for equal rights. I am thrilled. I am so excited for these women to have the option to share in a marriage ritual to legalize their relationship. I look at the images of them (Del Martin and Phyllis Lyon) sharing their rings. Specifically, I'm looking at the picture of Martin putting a ring on Lyon's finger. Lyon is smiling enormously. Martin looks like she's having trouble seeing her wife's hand. It made me smile and laugh and cry.
Marcio Jose Sanchez, AP
Marcio Jose Sanchez, AP
Justin Sullivan, Getty Images
Luis Sinco, AP
Marcio Jose Sanchez, AP
But other parts of the stories make me weep out of anger. Not all the commentary is positive. Protesters responded with hate. Banners saying things like, "Homo Sex is Sin" and "Jesus said go and sin no more" abound. I want to scream at these people! Isn't there enough hate?! These people want to celebrate their love for one another. Jesus preached love. I think people have distorted that. If Jesus were here today, I honestly don't think he would be opposed to gay marriages. But even if that were the case, do you think he would be a yelling protester? I really don't! My image of Jesus is of a happy person throwing rose petals at these unions: smiling, laughing, hugging...That's my Jesus. That's the Jesus who I would be proud to call myself a Christian for.
These two women have been together 55 years. Dan and I are about to celebrate our 4th wedding anniversary. That's just a tiny fraction of the lifetime these women have shared with one another. How awful to be hated and persecuted just for being who you are. That's not fair. It is completely unjust.
I took a Voices of Non-Violence class this semester. We read the words of Tolstoy, Dorothy Day, Martin Luther King Jr., Desmond Tutu, Mothers of the Disappeared, Ghandi, and Thich Nhat Hanh...among others. I was repeatedly impressed with their ability to withstand hatred and, in my opinion, evil in a peaceful and non-violent way. I still have further (or is it farther? I should watch Finding Forrester) to go in this arena. I consider it the position of a very wise person to do what these people have done and are doing.
I am now registered to vote in California. There will be a voting opportunity to come in November about whether or not to reinstate the ban on same sex marriage. This is one of the most personal issues I could be voting for. I am so excited to be a part of this historical moment. I will share my voice and my vote. I want to believe that love will win out.
I also am recalling a conversation that took place nearly 6 years ago now. I was either engaged to Dan or we had been talking to him about marriage. I was in conversation with a friend of mine from high school. I was saying what I would like our wedding to be like. Looking back on it, I probably talked for a while. When my friend spoke she said, "I hope that when I want to get married...I can." Wow. How much I took advantage of in a heteronormative society.
Here's to love.
I want to end with the lyrics from "I'll Cover You" from RENT, showing a same sex couple who express a deep love for one another.
Live in my house
I'll be your shelter
Just pay me back
With one thousand kisses
Be my lover - I'll cover you
Open your door
I'll be your tenant
Don't got much baggage
To lay at your feet
But sweet kisses I've got to spare
I'll be there - I'll cover you
I think they meant it
When they said you can't buy love
Now I know you can rent it
A new lease you are, my love,
On life - be my life
Just slip me on
I'll be your tenant
Wherever - whatever - I'll be your coat
You'll be my king
And I'll be your castle
No you'll be my queen
And I'll be your moat
I think they meant it
When they said you can't buy love
Now I know you can rent it
A new lease you are, my love,
On life - all my life
I've longed to discover
Something as true as this is
So with a thousand sweet kisses
(If you're cold and you're lonely)
I'll cover you
With a thousand sweet kisses
(You've got one nickel only)
I'll cover you
With a thousand sweet kisses
(When you're worn out and tired)
I'll cover you
With a thousand sweet kisses
( When your heart has expired)
I'll cover you
Oh lover I'll cover you
Oh lover I'll cover you
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/americas/7457968.stm
I'm weeping from happiness. The couple referenced in the above story has been together for 55 years. They have been pioneers for equal rights. I am thrilled. I am so excited for these women to have the option to share in a marriage ritual to legalize their relationship. I look at the images of them (Del Martin and Phyllis Lyon) sharing their rings. Specifically, I'm looking at the picture of Martin putting a ring on Lyon's finger. Lyon is smiling enormously. Martin looks like she's having trouble seeing her wife's hand. It made me smile and laugh and cry.
Marcio Jose Sanchez, AP
Marcio Jose Sanchez, AP
Justin Sullivan, Getty Images
Luis Sinco, AP
Marcio Jose Sanchez, AP
But other parts of the stories make me weep out of anger. Not all the commentary is positive. Protesters responded with hate. Banners saying things like, "Homo Sex is Sin" and "Jesus said go and sin no more" abound. I want to scream at these people! Isn't there enough hate?! These people want to celebrate their love for one another. Jesus preached love. I think people have distorted that. If Jesus were here today, I honestly don't think he would be opposed to gay marriages. But even if that were the case, do you think he would be a yelling protester? I really don't! My image of Jesus is of a happy person throwing rose petals at these unions: smiling, laughing, hugging...That's my Jesus. That's the Jesus who I would be proud to call myself a Christian for.
These two women have been together 55 years. Dan and I are about to celebrate our 4th wedding anniversary. That's just a tiny fraction of the lifetime these women have shared with one another. How awful to be hated and persecuted just for being who you are. That's not fair. It is completely unjust.
I took a Voices of Non-Violence class this semester. We read the words of Tolstoy, Dorothy Day, Martin Luther King Jr., Desmond Tutu, Mothers of the Disappeared, Ghandi, and Thich Nhat Hanh...among others. I was repeatedly impressed with their ability to withstand hatred and, in my opinion, evil in a peaceful and non-violent way. I still have further (or is it farther? I should watch Finding Forrester) to go in this arena. I consider it the position of a very wise person to do what these people have done and are doing.
I am now registered to vote in California. There will be a voting opportunity to come in November about whether or not to reinstate the ban on same sex marriage. This is one of the most personal issues I could be voting for. I am so excited to be a part of this historical moment. I will share my voice and my vote. I want to believe that love will win out.
I also am recalling a conversation that took place nearly 6 years ago now. I was either engaged to Dan or we had been talking to him about marriage. I was in conversation with a friend of mine from high school. I was saying what I would like our wedding to be like. Looking back on it, I probably talked for a while. When my friend spoke she said, "I hope that when I want to get married...I can." Wow. How much I took advantage of in a heteronormative society.
Here's to love.
I want to end with the lyrics from "I'll Cover You" from RENT, showing a same sex couple who express a deep love for one another.
Live in my house
I'll be your shelter
Just pay me back
With one thousand kisses
Be my lover - I'll cover you
Open your door
I'll be your tenant
Don't got much baggage
To lay at your feet
But sweet kisses I've got to spare
I'll be there - I'll cover you
I think they meant it
When they said you can't buy love
Now I know you can rent it
A new lease you are, my love,
On life - be my life
Just slip me on
I'll be your tenant
Wherever - whatever - I'll be your coat
You'll be my king
And I'll be your castle
No you'll be my queen
And I'll be your moat
I think they meant it
When they said you can't buy love
Now I know you can rent it
A new lease you are, my love,
On life - all my life
I've longed to discover
Something as true as this is
So with a thousand sweet kisses
(If you're cold and you're lonely)
I'll cover you
With a thousand sweet kisses
(You've got one nickel only)
I'll cover you
With a thousand sweet kisses
(When you're worn out and tired)
I'll cover you
With a thousand sweet kisses
( When your heart has expired)
I'll cover you
Oh lover I'll cover you
Oh lover I'll cover you
Sunday, June 15, 2008
"Irresistible Revolution"
This is a brief story about a friend I'll call A in this blog. She and I have been friends for almost 7 years now. Our friendship started in a very unique way. Perhaps that is why our relationship has remained interestingly unique to this day. When I left for college, I experienced a the natural transition away from home. With each visit back to Wilmington, I fit less and less into the K-shaped hole I left behind. Where I felt this deepening sense of disconnection most was at the church I left. I was very wrapped up in this church, especially in the choir. During my first semester away, A started going to the church. At the time, she and I shared a lot of physical similarities. Namely, long curly blond hair. She began singing soprano in the choir, the same part I sang there. She even began using my choir book. She became friends with my dad who would say things like, "It's like having another daughter." And she would say, "Your dad is so much like my dad." So I began to feel resentful and replaced. So what did I do? I asked A out for a cup of coffee and told her the truth. I told her how I felt jealous and hurt. She even contributed to the conversation with statements like "So when I said this, that really sucked for you to hear huh?" "Yes!" I said. She got it. And from that blatantly honest conversation, we have remained close friends. And that kind of honesty has become a staple for us.
This past year has been a particularly difficult one for A. Her husband came home one day last summer and said he wanted a divorce. It was horrible and sudden, especially because just the day before he had been telling her how much he loved her. Not a situation anyone would want to find themselves in. So A decided to move from North Carolina to Texas in order to be closer to her mother, sister, brother-in-law and nieces. This decision has resulted in both positive and negative outcomes.
A and I have had some long and heartfelt conversations in this last year. Her Christmas/New Year's card to me said much of what I felt. She wrote that for many of her friendships, the more raw she has become with her feelings the less people stay close to her. It's like she becomes to much for them with her most unfiltered emotions. I have felt much the same way throughout my life especially with my energy and talkativeness. But the more honest we are with one another, the closer we become. We have been through so much together. I love her dearly.
This week, I received a small package in the mail from her. I wanted to share what the gift was and the internal reactions I have had to it thus far. But first, a bit about my spiritual journey...a very small bit: I was raised United Methodist and was a very conservative fundamentalist Christian for a lot of years. I read my personal Bible on a regular basis. I attended two youth groups a week, once of which I was the president. I preached regularly around my hometown at church youth groups. I went to choir. I sang with a Christian Recording Company. I preached occasionally at my home church. I prayed. I wanted very much to share the 'Good News' of Jesus Christ to the world. I went on several mission trips. I visited Israel and went to Biblically significant sites. I felt a call to ministry. I studied Christian Education and Youth Ministry in college and pursued a sense of calling to Seminary. I regularly attended statewide and national Christian conferences. Christianity was my life. I thought the most loving thing I could do for anyone was to try and save their eternal soul. This is the first time I written this all down in years, maybe ever. But it's vital to know this about my past to know where I am now.
My faith began to change in undergrad. I was exposed to the concepts and beliefs behind other religions. I was challenged not to think of every interaction as a possible conversion. I began to appreciate the historical side of Christianity as well as the spiritual one. And in graduate school I was introduced to Unitarian Universalism, a faith group of which I now feel like a kindred spirit. Here are some of the basics of UU-ness.
There are seven principles which Unitarian Universalist congregations affirm and promote:
With all this running through my mind, I read A's note to me that she emblazoned inside the book. "This could be what you've been looking for! So amazing! I love you!" -A. She also wrote, "This is a very powerful book. Read it and then call me! I wanna know what you think." She has obviously experienced something special from this book. I worry that I won't. I have already read some things that make me angry like, "the shallow spirituality that marks liberals." I call myself a liberal, but do not think my spirituality is shallow. It is much much different than the spirituality I sought and lived as I described above. But I have exceedingly meaningful spiritual practices like journaling, reading, connecting with nature, drumming, meditating, etc. I want to be able to share all this with A. I want her to hear me say that I don't think I can authentically call myself a Christian, because I don't think she understands that about my faith journey. I want to honor our friendship with this honesty, but I anticipate that this will be difficult for her to hear.
I do want to read this book. Not only because it can connect me with a dear friend. But because it can connect me from that which I have been running. I want to experience this from the place I am now. I want to find something meaningful in its pages, but not lose myself to it. I want to pay attention to what changes my mood and feelings: what makes me angry. What I may (probably begrudgingly) find helpful or insightful. I think Jesus and Thich Nhat Hanh would have deeply appreciated one another. That thought does so much for me.
And so I begin a new phase of my spiritual evolution.
This past year has been a particularly difficult one for A. Her husband came home one day last summer and said he wanted a divorce. It was horrible and sudden, especially because just the day before he had been telling her how much he loved her. Not a situation anyone would want to find themselves in. So A decided to move from North Carolina to Texas in order to be closer to her mother, sister, brother-in-law and nieces. This decision has resulted in both positive and negative outcomes.
A and I have had some long and heartfelt conversations in this last year. Her Christmas/New Year's card to me said much of what I felt. She wrote that for many of her friendships, the more raw she has become with her feelings the less people stay close to her. It's like she becomes to much for them with her most unfiltered emotions. I have felt much the same way throughout my life especially with my energy and talkativeness. But the more honest we are with one another, the closer we become. We have been through so much together. I love her dearly.
This week, I received a small package in the mail from her. I wanted to share what the gift was and the internal reactions I have had to it thus far. But first, a bit about my spiritual journey...a very small bit: I was raised United Methodist and was a very conservative fundamentalist Christian for a lot of years. I read my personal Bible on a regular basis. I attended two youth groups a week, once of which I was the president. I preached regularly around my hometown at church youth groups. I went to choir. I sang with a Christian Recording Company. I preached occasionally at my home church. I prayed. I wanted very much to share the 'Good News' of Jesus Christ to the world. I went on several mission trips. I visited Israel and went to Biblically significant sites. I felt a call to ministry. I studied Christian Education and Youth Ministry in college and pursued a sense of calling to Seminary. I regularly attended statewide and national Christian conferences. Christianity was my life. I thought the most loving thing I could do for anyone was to try and save their eternal soul. This is the first time I written this all down in years, maybe ever. But it's vital to know this about my past to know where I am now.
My faith began to change in undergrad. I was exposed to the concepts and beliefs behind other religions. I was challenged not to think of every interaction as a possible conversion. I began to appreciate the historical side of Christianity as well as the spiritual one. And in graduate school I was introduced to Unitarian Universalism, a faith group of which I now feel like a kindred spirit. Here are some of the basics of UU-ness.
There are seven principles which Unitarian Universalist congregations affirm and promote:
- The inherent worth and dignity of every person;
- Justice, equity and compassion in human relations;
- Acceptance of one another and encouragement to spiritual growth in our congregations;
- A free and responsible search for truth and meaning;
- The right of conscience and the use of the democratic process within our congregations and in society at large;
- The goal of world community with peace, liberty, and justice for all;
- Respect for the interdependent web of all existence of which we are a part.
Unitarian Universalism (UU) draws from many sources:
- Direct experience of that transcending mystery and wonder, affirmed in all cultures, which moves us to a renewal of the spirit and an openness to the forces which create and uphold life;
- Words and deeds of prophetic women and men which challenge us to confront powers and structures of evil with justice, compassion, and the transforming power of love;
- Wisdom from the world's religions which inspires us in our ethical and spiritual life;
- Jewish and Christian teachings which call us to respond to God's love by loving our neighbors as ourselves;
- Humanist teachings which counsel us to heed the guidance of reason and the results of science, and warn us against idolatries of the mind and spirit.
- Spiritual teachings of earth-centered traditions which celebrate the sacred circle of life and instruct us to live in harmony with the rhythms of nature.
With all this running through my mind, I read A's note to me that she emblazoned inside the book. "This could be what you've been looking for! So amazing! I love you!" -A. She also wrote, "This is a very powerful book. Read it and then call me! I wanna know what you think." She has obviously experienced something special from this book. I worry that I won't. I have already read some things that make me angry like, "the shallow spirituality that marks liberals." I call myself a liberal, but do not think my spirituality is shallow. It is much much different than the spirituality I sought and lived as I described above. But I have exceedingly meaningful spiritual practices like journaling, reading, connecting with nature, drumming, meditating, etc. I want to be able to share all this with A. I want her to hear me say that I don't think I can authentically call myself a Christian, because I don't think she understands that about my faith journey. I want to honor our friendship with this honesty, but I anticipate that this will be difficult for her to hear.
I do want to read this book. Not only because it can connect me with a dear friend. But because it can connect me from that which I have been running. I want to experience this from the place I am now. I want to find something meaningful in its pages, but not lose myself to it. I want to pay attention to what changes my mood and feelings: what makes me angry. What I may (probably begrudgingly) find helpful or insightful. I think Jesus and Thich Nhat Hanh would have deeply appreciated one another. That thought does so much for me.
And so I begin a new phase of my spiritual evolution.
Saturday, June 14, 2008
Giggles and Water Aerobics
I had a great day. It was not without its sad moments, actually. But overall it was a very fulfilling and well-rounded kind of day. It began with a wonderful warm shower. Then I donned an outfit that made me feel awesome and ready for a friend's baby shower. I was planning to carpool with a friend who I have not been able to spend much time with lately. The trip was a little over an hour each way so we had some great conversation. The baby shower itself was also lovely. There were a few moments where I got a tad emotional, thinking about babies. But overall I was reminded that I'm still not ready for that particular life adventure yet. I do have names that I like for a possible child (or children) in the future, which may make me seem like I'm more baby-obsessed than I am. I have had two severe cases of baby fever. Each time was thought consuming. I did not like how intense these feelings were. But the baby shower was nice. The woman who hosted it decorated her house incredibly. Everything was decorated with children's toys that were all for Melinda (the mommy-to-be) to keep for her future tiny person.
The rise home was also full of great conversation. Then I had a good time with Dan after getting home. We packed a few boxes. We had a couple of serious conversations. Although difficult, I hope they will be a good chance for more open communication. But I have to say that I'm proud of my marriage. We are very close, have worked through a lot. We're silly together and are supportive of one another. It's nice to be thinking this way as we approach our fourth wedding anniversary. It has been a great four years. Actually, it's been a wonderful six and a half years together.
After our afternoon together a friend came over and we spent two and a half hours in our apartment pool doing water aerobics. We went to a class together on Thursday. I couldn't go to the class this morning because of the shower. We talked and laughed. Then, famished, headed back to the apartment for some dinner. She and I had incredible conversation. I got to process some of my thoughts with her from one of my earlier conversations with Dan. It helped having a woman's perspective and input. I love having female friends to discuss things with. I figure out things by talking them through. And it's nice to process them with someone other than Dan sometimes. Or rather, to have someone in addition to Dan to talk to. It was just lovely. I'm exhausted. I think I'll sleep like a rock tonight. And tomorrow I'm going to have another friend day. But first Dan and I are going to mark one of the things off our to-do list. We're going to go the Claremont Farmer's market. It should be nice. Then my friend is going to come over and help pack some. Then we'll have dinner or coffee together.
Wonderfulness.
"All people want is someone to listen." - Hugh Elliott, Standing Room Only
The rise home was also full of great conversation. Then I had a good time with Dan after getting home. We packed a few boxes. We had a couple of serious conversations. Although difficult, I hope they will be a good chance for more open communication. But I have to say that I'm proud of my marriage. We are very close, have worked through a lot. We're silly together and are supportive of one another. It's nice to be thinking this way as we approach our fourth wedding anniversary. It has been a great four years. Actually, it's been a wonderful six and a half years together.
After our afternoon together a friend came over and we spent two and a half hours in our apartment pool doing water aerobics. We went to a class together on Thursday. I couldn't go to the class this morning because of the shower. We talked and laughed. Then, famished, headed back to the apartment for some dinner. She and I had incredible conversation. I got to process some of my thoughts with her from one of my earlier conversations with Dan. It helped having a woman's perspective and input. I love having female friends to discuss things with. I figure out things by talking them through. And it's nice to process them with someone other than Dan sometimes. Or rather, to have someone in addition to Dan to talk to. It was just lovely. I'm exhausted. I think I'll sleep like a rock tonight. And tomorrow I'm going to have another friend day. But first Dan and I are going to mark one of the things off our to-do list. We're going to go the Claremont Farmer's market. It should be nice. Then my friend is going to come over and help pack some. Then we'll have dinner or coffee together.
Wonderfulness.
"All people want is someone to listen." - Hugh Elliott, Standing Room Only
Friday, June 13, 2008
Squeezing it all in
Claremont and Upland have been such important parts of my life and personal history that I have been trying to soak up what I can of them before I move. I do this as though I will never revisit the school (which I will) or, more importantly, friends (which I definitely will). It's just with gas prices being what they are...visits may be sparse for the time being. Interesting tidbit that may make your blood boil: Gas was $1.46 when GW took office in 2001. Most recently, I filled up at $4.29. Whose time in office is MORE than spent? I know! I know!!
So anyhow...I'm going to make a list of the things I want to do before I leave. But first I want to record some of those things which I have already managed to accomplish.
These three years were. They were, and are, the memories and the friendships that will sustain me and will be recalled with laughter, and silliness, and reverence. Thank you for all who were a part of this for me.
So anyhow...I'm going to make a list of the things I want to do before I leave. But first I want to record some of those things which I have already managed to accomplish.
- I have driven on Harvard and Yale toward The Village, taking care to drive twice on Harvard between 7th and 8th because it's my favorite block with all the overhanging trees and building I have dubbed "Longbourn" after the Bennett residence in Pride and Prejudice.
- I have managed to host two parties for all my friends, which catered to very different guest lists. Or rather, different people from the guest lists could come to our graduation party and my birthday party.
- I revisited Laemmle Claremont 5, the local independent movie theater where I watched Sex and the City with three friends. I also participated in some silly "Which S&TC character are you?" conversation before the movie.
- I have been the the Upland Farmer's Market with a wonderful friend.
- I want to go to Sushi Cruise with Bert and Allie, and possibly Laurel and Julie before leaving.
- I want to go to the Claremont Farmer's Market.
- I want to walk around CST's campus and take pictures, sit, be still...and let the memories wash over me.
- I want to visit all the offices on campus and say my goodbyes and share my new contact information.
- I want to write letters to people like the Registrar and tell them how grateful I am for them and the role they played in my life.
- I want to walk from campus down to The Village and go to all my favorite shops including Raku and The Folk Music Center.
- I want to walk through the Claremont Colleges and remember all the walks and talks with friends over the years.
- I want to go to my friend's baby shower. I will ride there with a friend who was recently ordained and will beginning her life in ministry. I have accepted this new job and will start my non-academic part of my life. And our friend is going to be starting a family and still attending CST in the Fall. We are all in different phases and can celebrate that together.
- I want to go to Victoria Gardens, walks around the shops, and dance to the music that they play there: Frank Sinatra, Dean Martin, Fred Astaire, Ella Fitzgerald, etc.
These three years were. They were, and are, the memories and the friendships that will sustain me and will be recalled with laughter, and silliness, and reverence. Thank you for all who were a part of this for me.
Thursday, June 12, 2008
Friend Time
Tonight I'm going to water aerobics with a friend. Then we're going to head off to a local farmer's market that I hope to make a part of my routine until the time that we move. The person in whose company I will be blessed with tonight is one of those people I met and was immediate taken with. She has such an incredible spirit and a wonderful-ness, that I wanted to get to know her more. There have been other people like this in my life. Sometimes friendships have developed, and sometimes not. But tonight's friend is one of those that grew over time. She is also someone with whom I share my life with on a deeper level. A few weeks ago, we both had a really sad day. She came over and we just cried together. How rare to have someone to do that with?
I am excited about tonight. I'm planning other outings with friends before we move. I really am going to try and do what I can to keep friendships from fizzling over the distance to Oxnard. I love my friends. They are incredible and make me feel whole.
Off to my wonderful night!
I am excited about tonight. I'm planning other outings with friends before we move. I really am going to try and do what I can to keep friendships from fizzling over the distance to Oxnard. I love my friends. They are incredible and make me feel whole.
Off to my wonderful night!
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
Transition
Inspired by a friend about to travel the world, I too have decided to reenter the blogasphere at a time of great transition and...to some degree...upheaval. I have many racing thoughts in my head, which is what I imagine a blog is good for, sorting through them.
Some of the changes taking place: I have just graduated from Claremont School of Theology with a Master of Arts degree in Pastoral Care and Counseling. I tried, vainly, to complete applications for a Chaplain Residency in March. That would have ensured me a job from August 2008-August 2009. At the time the applications were due, it was midterms and Dan's 30th Birthday trip were vast approaching. I didn't decide that a residency year was something I may want to do until very late in the game. The result: I couldn't finish in time and I began to worry slightly about what would happen to me following graduation. Dan and I have been applying for jobs since February. I have applied to probably somewhere near 25 jobs or so, easily. Dan...has applied to more than 100.
Also during this time I became very active in embracing CST even more fully. I began to realize concretely how much I loved this place and what it taught me about myself. I learned about my gifts. I learned about what emblazoned a passion within me. I learned about my inner strength. I learned what I could offer the world. I learned what I could offer myself. I became confident about all these things for the first time. I felt more prepared to go out beyond the world of academia and say, "I can bring this to your community." But the community was what I loved the most. I learned about how my extroverted personality thrives around people and shrivels when alone. I had the widest array of friendships ever and felt loved, supported, silly, nourished and hopeful around them.
Where would I go from CST? I began searching for jobs on campus determined that if I should not find something, I would at least have a possible job there. I applied for a job as the Associate Dean of Student Life. Although much support was met for this decision, it did not work out. I also looked into working at the Edgar Community Center and/or Cokesbury Bookstore. But these queries for jobs were met with responses like "I don't know yet." But my time at school was running out and I was feeling desperate to find a job. Dan and I had saved up some money, it was true, but I had been hoping not to have to deplete those resources before steady income could be found. So I kept looking.
I had three interviews, two at the same job place. But no one called me back. I looked around me and filtered out the many friends also facing the unknown and focused on those who seemed more together than I did. I felt like I paled in comparison. I began to feel hopeless.
Then graduation! A day full of life, love and laughter! The ceremony felt like the perfect ritual to say goodbye to the school. The Wheats and the Rivers were there to see and feel the community we had. Our graduation party was so much fun and had tons of tremendously tasty foods. Even my dad, who has been counting down the days for our graduation as a sign of our return to North Carolina (despite our clear statements otherwise) said, "I finally understand why you moved out here for school." I felt both touched and frustrated. I was touched that he shared that with me because he knew it would mean a great deal. I was frustrated that he never took my word for it beforehand. Or perhaps he couldn't. Maybe he needed to see it for himself. But the sentiment was still...heart-moving.
Following graduation and the departing parents, Dan and I ran away to Las Vegas, which for the first time in my memory was a fun trip. I have never enjoyed Vegas all that much. I suspect my first trip is really to blame for the light in which I see it. In 2005, I first went to Las Vegas the day after visiting the Grand Canyon. Such awe-inspiring natural beauty was followed up by the too-many-lights and drinks of Vegas. I also went with my parents who are very conservative in their partyingn-ess, in a traditional sense. Although, I think this has developed over time because recent stories have brought to light some funny stories about the past antics of my parents that had never been discussed before. Regardless, they are not the people to sit in casinos, have drinks, and gamble. So we had a low key dinner and went to bed, being exhausted also from the day's drive.
Of all the places I have been since living in California, Las Vegas has been one of my least favorite. This interesting fact is followed up by the surprisingly coupled one that I have also visited Vegas 5-6 times since 2005: more times than any other place I have loved. There have been many reasons for this. Dan's parents travel there at least once a year, so we visited them there. A friend of mine had a conference there and flew out from D.C., so I drove to see her as well. And I myself had the ironical Addictions Conference for the American Association of Pastoral Counselors. Now this last trip was inspired by a great deal. Dan and I stayed at a Hilton Grand Vacations resort on Las Vegas Blvd. for 3 nights/4 days for just over $100 for the total trip. We said "no" consistently for over an hour at a timeshare presentation, and received food vouchers, chips for gambling, etc. So we experienced Vegas in a new way. We did gamble some, though neither of us walked away with any serious winnings. We ate some yummy food and had a couple delicious drinks. We saw an incredible variety show and laughed for hours. And we relaxed. During our final night in Vegas, I got a phone call when it was too loud to talk so I let it go to voicemail. The gist of the message: "I've seen your resume and I'd like to meet with you."
So upon our return to California, I set up a meeting with the voicemail-leaver, who turned out to be the Patient Care Coordinator at Odyssey Healthcare in Ventura, CA. I met with her a couple of weeks ago, and she offered me a job. She wanted me to come in as a Spiritual Care Coordinator for her Hospice group. I spent the weekend thinking about it and talking it over with Dan. I even tried a failed conversation with my parents trying to discuss the pros and cons of the move. You see, the job is not full-time right away. They cannot guarantee me hours based on their current patient load, but they have plans to grow and the job would become full-time with a year. Probably within six months.
Pros:
I have decided to leap. I have accepted the position as a Spiritual Care Coordinator at Odyssey Healthcare. Dan and I began out search for apartments and decided on one yesterday that's less than a 5-minute walk to Oxnard Beach. I have a start date of July 7th and have already started packing. We take possession of our apartment June 23rd. There is still a bit of organization around getting out of our current apartment that will be necessary. Dan's mom is coming to help us pack and move. I hope sincerely that we can get friends to help as well. As Dan says, it'll probably be easier to get people to help on the Upland end of things. But I really hope people can come for the Ventura/Oxnard side too. We can promise and meal and a beach day after moving!
That is whirlwind version of my life. I am scared and worried still. I'm afraid to be too hopeful in case something doesn't work out. I am trying not to let this worry depress the amazingness that is this: I am starting a new life. Here goes...
Some of the changes taking place: I have just graduated from Claremont School of Theology with a Master of Arts degree in Pastoral Care and Counseling. I tried, vainly, to complete applications for a Chaplain Residency in March. That would have ensured me a job from August 2008-August 2009. At the time the applications were due, it was midterms and Dan's 30th Birthday trip were vast approaching. I didn't decide that a residency year was something I may want to do until very late in the game. The result: I couldn't finish in time and I began to worry slightly about what would happen to me following graduation. Dan and I have been applying for jobs since February. I have applied to probably somewhere near 25 jobs or so, easily. Dan...has applied to more than 100.
Also during this time I became very active in embracing CST even more fully. I began to realize concretely how much I loved this place and what it taught me about myself. I learned about my gifts. I learned about what emblazoned a passion within me. I learned about my inner strength. I learned what I could offer the world. I learned what I could offer myself. I became confident about all these things for the first time. I felt more prepared to go out beyond the world of academia and say, "I can bring this to your community." But the community was what I loved the most. I learned about how my extroverted personality thrives around people and shrivels when alone. I had the widest array of friendships ever and felt loved, supported, silly, nourished and hopeful around them.
Where would I go from CST? I began searching for jobs on campus determined that if I should not find something, I would at least have a possible job there. I applied for a job as the Associate Dean of Student Life. Although much support was met for this decision, it did not work out. I also looked into working at the Edgar Community Center and/or Cokesbury Bookstore. But these queries for jobs were met with responses like "I don't know yet." But my time at school was running out and I was feeling desperate to find a job. Dan and I had saved up some money, it was true, but I had been hoping not to have to deplete those resources before steady income could be found. So I kept looking.
I had three interviews, two at the same job place. But no one called me back. I looked around me and filtered out the many friends also facing the unknown and focused on those who seemed more together than I did. I felt like I paled in comparison. I began to feel hopeless.
Then graduation! A day full of life, love and laughter! The ceremony felt like the perfect ritual to say goodbye to the school. The Wheats and the Rivers were there to see and feel the community we had. Our graduation party was so much fun and had tons of tremendously tasty foods. Even my dad, who has been counting down the days for our graduation as a sign of our return to North Carolina (despite our clear statements otherwise) said, "I finally understand why you moved out here for school." I felt both touched and frustrated. I was touched that he shared that with me because he knew it would mean a great deal. I was frustrated that he never took my word for it beforehand. Or perhaps he couldn't. Maybe he needed to see it for himself. But the sentiment was still...heart-moving.
Following graduation and the departing parents, Dan and I ran away to Las Vegas, which for the first time in my memory was a fun trip. I have never enjoyed Vegas all that much. I suspect my first trip is really to blame for the light in which I see it. In 2005, I first went to Las Vegas the day after visiting the Grand Canyon. Such awe-inspiring natural beauty was followed up by the too-many-lights and drinks of Vegas. I also went with my parents who are very conservative in their partyingn-ess, in a traditional sense. Although, I think this has developed over time because recent stories have brought to light some funny stories about the past antics of my parents that had never been discussed before. Regardless, they are not the people to sit in casinos, have drinks, and gamble. So we had a low key dinner and went to bed, being exhausted also from the day's drive.
Of all the places I have been since living in California, Las Vegas has been one of my least favorite. This interesting fact is followed up by the surprisingly coupled one that I have also visited Vegas 5-6 times since 2005: more times than any other place I have loved. There have been many reasons for this. Dan's parents travel there at least once a year, so we visited them there. A friend of mine had a conference there and flew out from D.C., so I drove to see her as well. And I myself had the ironical Addictions Conference for the American Association of Pastoral Counselors. Now this last trip was inspired by a great deal. Dan and I stayed at a Hilton Grand Vacations resort on Las Vegas Blvd. for 3 nights/4 days for just over $100 for the total trip. We said "no" consistently for over an hour at a timeshare presentation, and received food vouchers, chips for gambling, etc. So we experienced Vegas in a new way. We did gamble some, though neither of us walked away with any serious winnings. We ate some yummy food and had a couple delicious drinks. We saw an incredible variety show and laughed for hours. And we relaxed. During our final night in Vegas, I got a phone call when it was too loud to talk so I let it go to voicemail. The gist of the message: "I've seen your resume and I'd like to meet with you."
So upon our return to California, I set up a meeting with the voicemail-leaver, who turned out to be the Patient Care Coordinator at Odyssey Healthcare in Ventura, CA. I met with her a couple of weeks ago, and she offered me a job. She wanted me to come in as a Spiritual Care Coordinator for her Hospice group. I spent the weekend thinking about it and talking it over with Dan. I even tried a failed conversation with my parents trying to discuss the pros and cons of the move. You see, the job is not full-time right away. They cannot guarantee me hours based on their current patient load, but they have plans to grow and the job would become full-time with a year. Probably within six months.
Pros:
- The job is exactly what I just spent my masters degree and theological education training for.
- The woman who interviewed me would be my boss and seems like the kind of person I could talk to and discuss ideas with.
- I would move to Ventura, which is by the beach.
- The town has festivals throughout the year, just like the town I grew up in and in Claremont.
- I would be doing something meaningful.
- I would be doing something spiritual.
- There's at least one Unitarian Universalist Church where I could continue this path of spirituality I have begun.
- There's a Ventura Artists' Union where one can display his or her artwork in a beach-side gallery for a reasonable membership fee and 3hrs of work a month
- The city of Ventura and those others in the county are very agricultural and we could get our fruits, vegetables, and flowers from local farmers directly.
- The job is not full-time right away, but in the meantime, I can work to establish ties in the religious community there and ease into patient care. I already have 3 projects in my head that I think would be extremely helpful.
- I would have an understanding boss.
- I would have a boss who gets that I am going to scrounge up hours.
- It's not full-time right away, so I will have to continue healthcare with the company we purchased some with.
- I will have to find my own hours at first.
- Dan doesn't have a job yet
- It's farther from my friends.
- The boss I would have seems to like me, but already shows a preference for me than over the other Spiritual Care Coordinator. Inter-office drama would have to be actively prevented.
I have decided to leap. I have accepted the position as a Spiritual Care Coordinator at Odyssey Healthcare. Dan and I began out search for apartments and decided on one yesterday that's less than a 5-minute walk to Oxnard Beach. I have a start date of July 7th and have already started packing. We take possession of our apartment June 23rd. There is still a bit of organization around getting out of our current apartment that will be necessary. Dan's mom is coming to help us pack and move. I hope sincerely that we can get friends to help as well. As Dan says, it'll probably be easier to get people to help on the Upland end of things. But I really hope people can come for the Ventura/Oxnard side too. We can promise and meal and a beach day after moving!
That is whirlwind version of my life. I am scared and worried still. I'm afraid to be too hopeful in case something doesn't work out. I am trying not to let this worry depress the amazingness that is this: I am starting a new life. Here goes...
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