Womanhood and Moving Forward

As I was continuing my reading of The Feminine Face of God last night, I was struck by a couple passages I wanted to share here.

The first: "We had to ask, What is the face of God that can be revealed through women? We proposed to look for the answers to this question by studying the life stories of thirty women across North America who were recognized in their communities as sources of spiritual inspiration."

The question at the center of the authors' research is very interesting. What IS the face of God that can be revealed through women? I'm so curious about the results they found because they've alluded to similarities among the responses. I hope to connect with some of the feelings and thoughts that were shared. Their intention was to interview 30 women, but in the end they interviewed more than 100.

As for myself, my first thoughts are that my own spirituality and femininity is tied up with nature. I wonder if this has something to do with our menstrual cycles naturally lining up with the moon cycle? Very clearly, there is a connection and physical pull tied in with the rhythm of nature.

When reading that they were planning to interview women who were "recognized in their communities as sources of spiritual inspiration" I was brought up short. I work as a hospice and hospital chaplain everyday. But would I be considered a source of "spiritual inspiration" within the community? I just don't know. It made me realize that I would like to continue the steps within the Unitarian Universalist Association to be "fellowshipped," which is the process by which ministers in the UU Church are endorsed by the larger association. It's what ordination is in many other church organizations.

To have this support and endorsement would make me feel like a larger part of the faith tradition of which I've chosen to belong. It's the difference between being a Chaplain who is Unitarian Universalist and being a Unitarian Universalist Chaplain. The problem is, I have a difficult time trying to navigate the process that I'm coming at sideways. I wish I could have an advisor and guide as one does in college to help sort through the requirements of particular degree programs. But if I don't take any steps, I'll never get anywhere. So I've reached out to a couple of people regarding writing me letters to help me sidestep a part of the process which I'm hoping will be deemed unnecessary considering how many years I've been in ministry as a Chaplain.

The last set of thoughts I want to get out for this blog post is about my need to connect with feminism and my own personal womanhood. I'm pretty sure it has to do with my desire to become a mom and my uncertainty whether or not my life path will include that role. Do I believe that women can be wholly feminine without being a mother? Of course! But I find that this is an expression of womanhood of which I hope to be a part. In the meantime, I want to connect with what it means to be a woman without being a mother. I was born into this group and want to more fully embrace what that could mean. Moreover, I want to more intentionally become a part of the spirituality of womanhood. Which brings me to the other concept brought forth by The Feminine Face of God.

The authors explain that at the beginning of their time together trying to map out their research for the book, they "walked outside and sat down opposite each other under the protective branches of a large oak tree. And there we did something we were to do almost every day for the next several years of our collaboration. We closed our eyes, sat in silence, and waited." I don't always feel connected to myself and my spirituality in silence, but I do think it's worth making time to settle into to deep thinking, listening, and feeling of the sacred. And the idea of doing this with someone else seems worthy of the vulnerability and openness that would inevitably be required.

More thoughts to come!

Reconnection

I have a dear friend of mine who has made a beautiful proposal for us. She wants to be digital pen pals. The proposal came with specifics. I hope she doesn't mind me sharing as I'm going to ask for permission after the fact. She wrote, "I would like to make a commitment/covenant with you to email each other once per week. I could email you on Tuesdays and you could email me on Thursdays (or whatever days we decide on). It wouldn't have to take up too much time, but we could just check in with each other, stay up on life events, be encouraging to one another through the tough times."

I immediately loved the idea. After some discussion, we have also agreed to send a letter or postcard to each at least once a month! I'm very excited. What first struck me about it was the honor of being asked to take part in this endeavor with a very dear friend. I also was extremely grateful for the mutuality it implied. There have been many times in email or handwritten letter writings that I've felt like I'm putting forth all the effort. And while the writing is beneficial for me, it is so much more life-giving to have someone on the receiving end who is also actively committed to the connection.

It's also extremely lovely to feel loved. I have some very dear friends in my life. And at times when I feel like I can't land my feet on anything solid, it's incredible to have the sense of grounding that my close friends give me.

I may have written about this before, but there is a Celtic phrase that deeply moves me. It's the idea of "anam cara" which translates to "soul friend."  John O'Donahue has written a book about this concept. In it he writes, "The anam cara was a person to whom you could reveal the hidden intimacies of your life. This friendship was an act of recognition and belonging. When you had an anam cara, your friendship cut across all convention and category. You were joined in an ancient and eternal way with the friend of your soul."

I truly and deeply believe that I have more than one anam cara in my life. Which is interesting because although I feel like I have a warm personality, I don't necessarily open up myself deeply to people. There have been many occasions when I've learned that someone else feels closer to me than I feel to them. The lack of mutuality in these situations seems to come from my unwillingness, or even fear, of being fully myself with another person. But despite my own reluctance, I have somehow been blessed with deep closeness from several people. People who know me, love me, have supported me through years of friendship and who, I genuinely hope, I have made feel the same sense of love and acceptance. With them, I belong.

So here's to a covenant with my friend! A covenant to intentionally stay close and connected to one another despite our separation of many miles. And here's to my anam caras. Spread out all over the country, but so near and dear to my heart.

Blessings,
Kelley