Pondering on Sin and a Focus for the New Year

In my current theological frame of mind, I have some varying thoughts about sin. They have changed drastically over the course of my theological evolution. I used to believe wholeheartedly and fearfully in the concept of original sin as posed by a literal reading of the Bible. Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden, disobedience by eating the forbidden fruit...BAM...sin. And so on forever since.

But that no longer holds the potency for me it once did. In fact, here's my paragraph regarding sin from my most current Credo statement:

"I believe sin is what happens when we forget to care outside of ourselves and instead treat other people and life forms as lesser than us. I believe that all people are affected by their cultural locations. Where there is poverty, limited choices, hunger and other difficulties there can exist the possibility of repetitive cycles. I believe that it is in these cycles where sin can, and does, prominently exist. I believe the cycle of sin can be broken by the efforts of people and acts of loving kindness focused on equality and justice."

I was recently told that "relative thinking" ("you believe what you choose to believe, and I'll choose what I believe") is a powerful tool of Satan--but Almighty God is sovereign, omniscient, omnipresent, and omnipotent." Wow. I could not think and believe more differently. Because to me, relative thinking is an opportunity to think outside of oneself and truly hear and embrace another person's point of view. So, in order to make this next statement, I want to be clear that I am, indeed, fully embracing the notion of relative thinking.

Here's my pondering: Is it possible that sin is a relative term befitting the human potential to neglect the worth and dignity of others at any given point in history? Therefore, is sin something that changes throughout the course of history rather than being a set disposition predetermined long ago by people from a holy book that I don't believe is factually true? In such a possibility, I can imagine sin manifesting itself in many different ways in history...through genocide, rape, murder, forced acquiescence to a particular religion/political view, closed-mindedness, hate. This is what religion has the potential to, and in my view, the responsibility to stand up against.

But there are such varying ways to consider approaching this. One thing that keeps me putting one foot in front of another is the hope that every kindness, every moment of love, peace, compassion and understanding, will make a difference. Thich Nhat Hanh writes, "The energy of mindfulness is a real energy, and wherever energy is applied, there is change." I believe in this energy, and I'm exploring new modes of prayer from this. In this coming year, I want to intentionally practice focusing on the energies of love, peace, compassion and understanding. And I want to work in small and large ways to increase their prevalence in this hurting world.

One more thing. I don't refer to the Bible as a historically accurate text, but that does not mean that I don't find value in it. Many people might refer to me as a "buffet style" religious person. At one point in my life, this was one of the singular most negative things I could be. But now, I'm seeing it as an accurate portrayal of who I am. I accept the fact that it's not a bad thing at all. It's just who I am. I do pick and choose among many different religions to piece together a singular whole that is right for me. A Seminary colleague said to me today, "God is the source of our diversity and is certainly big enough to embrace and accept that diversity, to reach us in whatever way will work for us."

And I absolutely do believe that the God of my understanding is right there with me in my search.

Eat, Pray, Love

For my CPE Residency, I had a didactic presentation to do recently. I had to present a book I read to my group in a creative way. I actually really enjoyed my presentation and the time I had with my colleagues. Prior to the day of my didactic, I had purchased Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert. After seeing a preview for the upcoming movie starring Julia Roberts, I decided I must read this book before watching the incredible looking movie. But seeing as I had another book I was supposed to be reading, I made myself promise that I wouldn't start this book until after my presentation day. Miraculously, I made it to that deadline (and then some) which is out of character for me. I think listening to Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows in my car (I couldn't read in there anyway!) helped. But Harry Potter was over and my didactic done, so I began this extremely interesting book about one woman's journey.

I'm already hooked. And, thought I'm only 38 pages into the story, I have already learned a bit about myself. So here are some of the insights that have come up for me from this enthralling novel: I haven't prayed directly to God in a long time. At least not consistently. Well, let me clarify. I actually do pray quite a lot in the hospital. I pray for patients and their families. I pray in our devotion time with my fellow chaplains. And, on the rarer occasion, I pray with and for one of my colleagues. But what I do not do consistently is pray to God, from my heart, for my heart.

Last week, one of my colleagues said something to me that hurt me deeply. I was being more open about the way I think about God, and energy, and the Universe. I was talking about my spiritual journey and how I had become UU. His response was honest, and, looking back I'm truly grateful for it. But, at the time, my heart broke a little. What he said was that he thought God hurt because of my spiritual decisions. From his perspective, God's incarnation in Jesus Christ is the only spiritual path. And those that choose otherwise are going against God's will and that therefore God would be hurt because of their decisions; because of my decision.

His honesty, which at first I shied away from, was something I have been exploring further in the past couple of days. What I realized earnestly...is that I disagree. The idea that trying to be who I authentically am is hurting God is deeply painful. But for me, I believe that God understands my search, even more than I do. I think God cares, is glad that I seek spiritual paths, and that I'm on this journey. So I talked to God about it, something I haven't done in a while.

I think part of why I shied away from conversations with God is because of how much I've changed since I was a very conservative Christian. Because I had changed so much, I thought my image of God must therefore change also. But what I'm realizing is that the God of my Christian self is still very much the God of my now-self. This was a surprise to discover. I also think of God as a spirit, the indefinable, hard to nail, floaty-God that I feel connected to in nature. Sometimes I imagine these two God images together, but I haven't often. Somehow I think owning that my image of God is similar to what it once was will help me see these two aspects of God together.

In Eat, Pray, Love, after Gilbert mentions "God" for the first time, she then writes,

"And since this is the first time I have introduced that loaded word-GOD-into my book, and since this is a word which will appear many times again throughout these pages, it seems only fair that I pause here for a moment to explain exactly what I mean when I say that word, just so people can decide right away how offended they need to get."

I chuckled, feeling like I understood how she felt.

She continued:

"... let me first explain why I use the word God, when I could just as easily use the words Jehovah, Allah, Shiva, Brahma, Vishnu, or Zeus...I have nothing against any of these terms. I feel they are all equal because they are all equally adequate and inadequate descriptions of the indescribable. But we each do need a functional name for this indescribability, and "God" is the name that feels the most warm to me, so that's what I use. I should also confess that I generally refer to God as "Him", which doesn't bother me because, to my mind, it's just a convenient personalizing pronoun, not a precise anatomical description or a cause for revolution. Of course, I don't mind if people call God "Her", and I understand the urge to do so. Again-to me, these are both equal terms, equally adequate and inadequate. Though I do think the capitalization of either pronoun is a nice touch, a small politeness in the presence of the divine." (p.13)

I don't think I intended to write that much at first, but I just wanted to include the entire excerpt in here. I call God different things. Sometimes I address the Universe in my prayers, a habit I picked up from the language of The Artist's Way. At my UU Fellowship the minister often addresses "Spirit of Life and Love" which also resonates with me. But I also find that the word "God" seems more encompassing and makes me think of many things at once. I like the openness.

This morning, during my morning pages, I addressed God about my feelings regarding what P said at work last week. I felt more connected to God than I had in a while. Another thought I toyed with is the idea that every person is divine, that our innermost core is sacred. And I wonder if the "substance" of God is the same as this sacred core. Following this line of thought, then connecting to myself means connecting to God. Hmm...food for thought and further consideration. I might address this again in the future.

For now, I'm heading away from the blogosphere, but I hope to return again soon!

Peace!