Butterfly

I've been neglectful lately with regards to actually doing art. With the exception of a moment last week that I keep mentally revisiting. For those who may not be aware, I currently work with Hospice. Part of my job is visiting hospice patients and trying to identify what gives their life meaning and then do my best to bring them that in the last phase of their life. Thus prepared, imagine the following woman. She is in her early 80s and has always loved nature, once having been an avid fisherwoman. Now she is completely bed-bound in a skilled nursing facility. She does not like TV. She does not like music. "Noise" she politely describes them in her Texas southern drawl that has not diminished despite her 30+ years of living in California. "I prefer visits", she says. And so I visit her about once a week. That hour we call the "time sucker" because it flies by! It really is incredible. It's like visiting a time warp.

Something this lady also misses are butterflies and Texas wildflowers. She has tons of cards all around her room, many of them donned with one or other of those subjects. And I thought to myself, "You've drawn butterflies and flowers before. You should draw her something." For weeks, I intended to create something on my artist date to take to her. But, repeatedly, it didn't happen. So finally, I took a pad of paper and some pencils into her room last week. I told her my intentions and asked if she would be ok with the gesture. "Sure!!" she enthusiastically replied. So throughout our visit (which dove deeper into stories from her past than we had traveled together before) I drew her a monarch butterfly from one of the photos on her many cards. She watched, and we talked and laughed together. I was thrilled with the end result. Not only the picture itself, but her elation that it had been done for her. I think that she was involved in the process was also exciting for her.

The butterfly is now taped to the door of her closet, one of the two doors she faces day in and day out. Bizarrely, this has also been an even more justifiable gesture, because it is helping keep track of her ever-diminishing short term memory (i.e., does she know who drew it and when? does she remember that she likes butterflies? and so forth). But I'd be lying to myself if I said that was the reason I did it. I did it because I wanted to offer this woman who enjoys visits, a visual reminder of something she used to love in nature. I wanted to use my gift of art to make her world more lovely. And I think I did. And she is thrilled.

Mahatma Ghandi once said, "I want freedom for the full expression of my personality." I felt as though I was able to express myself in that moment; that I gave myself the freedom and the permission to express myself. And it. felt. wonderful.

Picnik

Recently, I've been feeling jealous over pictures posted by some of my friends on facebook. I could tell they had done some editing to them, and I was envious of the interesting results created. Finally, one of them explained the use of "Picnik" in the process. After a quick google search, and lots of playing, I have starting editing some of my photos. Currently, I'm obsessed with one of the editing settings called "Holga-ish". It is not, by any means, the only one that has captivated my attention. However, I figured it was best to focus on one particular setting during my first evening of editing. That way, I would not become overwhelmed too quickly.

So, for your viewing pleasure, here's one of my photos that I have edited thus far:





I am so interested in the shadows, shapes, and lighting created by this editing process. I hope to continue the fun and exhilaration. Thankfully, this has helped me have something new to try. I also recently acquired a new camera that I have yet to really take out and play with. Hopefully that will be an artist date very soon. May you all have blessings and creative inspiration!

Logistical Lethargy

I made a mistake last night. One I hope not to repeat in the future due to its detrimental effects on my artistic self. You see, the idea of one say owning a small gallery/store of my various artistic silliness has taken hold of my imagination. Yesterday, I said to myself, "When I get home, I'm going to create more art." Did that happen? No. What came in its stead? Hours of me trying to think of a name for the gallery and checking to see if the domain name online had already been taken; and searching for business cards. I felt creatively drained at the end of the night. I also felt foolish for allowing myself to get sucked into the logistical lethargy rather than playing with pastels, or paints, or pencils. As I said, a mistake I hope not to repeat. Because, while the logistical stuff is important, it is not the core of it all. Creating, being silly, playing. Those are the core elements of this new artistic life I'm dreaming about. I'll work out the logistics someday. And I hope they come naturally, just as playing with art has. And I'll continue my morning pages; I'll continue creating, and I'll continue to see the world at interesting angles and perspectives.

On a rather sad note my Artist's Way group finished its final session this Wednesday. We're going to be meeting monthly for something we've dubbed "Artist's Play" where we bring various mediums and create together in an encouraging, fun atmosphere. I look forward to that.

What else?

Oh, my imaginings have been taking more form lately, so I thought I'd take a moment to list some of what's been rolling around in my mind. If you're not a list person, feel free to skip this part of the blogging :)

• Taking my camera everywhere
• Playing with art several days a week, if not every day
• Write and illustrate a children's book
  
• Create a photo/historical coffee table book of my hometown
• Research where to find pre-cut 8x12 mats online
• Go to the art museums in my town (and surroundin towns) and note what stands out to me that I might want to try
• Continue to surround myself with people who are encouraging of these artistic endeavors
• Continue using facebook as a networking/brainstorming tool
• Take classes in photography, photoshop, drawing, and various types of painting (check local community colleges for evening classes)
  

All for now. On to creativity! On to light! On to laughter and love and silliness!

Disappointed

I made my first attempt to get one of my newer photographs printed (above photo) and it did not turn out well. The photo is so disappointingly dark that you cannot make out most of the important details that make it beautiful to me. So I suppose I'll continue to be on a hunt for a good place to print my photos. I'm also going to be hunting for a place to order 8x12 pre-cut mats. And...although I'm sad about the results of this first venture, I still have a good time being artistic.

Most recently, I've noticed that while things seem to be crumbling around me at work at times; and although the personal tensions are so ridiculously thick they could be cut through; I'm calmer. Today, during a long, difficult meeting, I drew several of the items on the table and played with shadows and light. My mind stayed focused on the topics in the discussion, while my heart was on the shapes forming from my pen.

Left brain occupied? Check. Right brain nurtured? Check.

Awesome :)

Portfolio

Today's photo contributions to my blog, in increased-amount-of-light order.

For the first time, I'm trying to create a coherent, impressive portfolio. I think this is a moment where my OCD tendencies will both help and hinder me. They will help, because I will be very detailed-oriented and consistent. They will hinder because it's most likely that I'll push myself into anxiety while creating it. One of the things I love about art is that even when I'm working on a project like making a portfolio, it still challenges and excites me creatively. I'm interested in seeing how art develops for me over time But mostly, I'm trying to embrace all the possibilities and excitement as they come. More on the portfolio as it unravels!

Proof

I wanted to post some proof of the moments I've spent behind my camera lately. Today, I starting drawing some of my flowers, playing with light and shadow in a whole new way. Once I get some photos taken of them, I may post them as well. Ideally, I'd like to include at least one picture with each post because, let's be honest, it's easier to sift through pictures than to read so much. Although, I DO hope you read. Happy looking!




Sunset Flowers



Frizzy Flower



Semblance of Balance



Light and Dark



Natural Curls



The Road Less Traveled

Process and Artistic Risks

I feel as though much of what I want to type will essentially be a tutorial in my favorite aspects of The Artist's Way. There's good reason for this. This book and, more specifically, the group of people I'm in the group with, have helped salvage my artistic self. The book is written for those who are interested in moving past an artistic block. Well, I didn't actually join the group for that. I joined it because, since the age of 7, I have donned the role and label of "Artist." I wore it proudly. It wasn't until this group that I actually realized how ferociously blocked I was. It had been years since I had created art with any regularity. And working outside of my dominant medium? Forget it! I had no time to play or experiment, because I barely made time to do anything at all. I would get commissioned for artwork every now and again, but I would approach the task with resistance and drudgery. No play. No silliness. Nothing of all of what art should be. Of what it had been for me. Deadlines for people began to fall through, because I would not be willing or even able to complete the work I had started. This left me feeling no end of guilt and shame.

But there were these moments...moments of doodling and sketching; or moments of photo taking where I could feel it. The bubbling inside of me of something wanting to be free. My authentic artist self has been dormant for a while, but she was always there, ready to be unleashed! Ready to see the world from interesting angles. Ready to capture shadow and light, shape and texture.

So there I was, this unknowingly blocked artist entering a group that would shake up my world and challenge me in surprising and welcome ways. So that's why I'm preparing a small tutorial of this life-altering book.

The essentials of the Artist's Way Week are thus:

Morning Pages-writing daily. I have a notebook for the words I do not share in here. Even if the words are "I have no idea what to write, I feel blank" you just write, write, write for three page daily.

Artist's Date- Taking your inner artist on a private date weekly. Photo walks have been my favorite. But I've also gone to a coffee shop and listened to my ipod while drawing whatever images came into my mind. Other people have gone to museums or art shows. The list is endless really. It's meant to be something that feeds your inner artist. (Side note: My inner artist is a vision of myself around 10 years old with tons of energy and bouncing curls usually squealing "Let's do it!!" to the artistic endeavors I imagine). Eventually, you are encouraged to take "mini-dates" and more risks in your Artist Dates.

Tasks- Usually, there are about ten in a week. The author encourages the completion of about half, suggesting that you try both the ones that appeal to you, and the ones you immediately shy away from. An example: Imagine five "alternate lives" for yourself. 1) Children's book author. 2) Street Painter in Europe. 3) Professor at a college. 4) Artist. 5) Jewelry-maker. You're encouraged to describe them in as much detail as you'd like, taking care to elaborate on one more than the others. THEN, a second task may be to do something that would be reminiscent of one of the lives. Maybe you take your easel and some paints and paint in a park near your house to represent #2. It's quite incredible what can come of these moments.

Synchronicity- This doesn't come up for the first few weeks of the class, but it has been a huge part of my experience, so I thought I'd include it here. I think this is best understood through an example: A woman has always wanted to take an acting class. Always, always. But through excuses or embarassment, she never has. Then, the day she's thinking about it again, she happens to start a conversation with her with a person in the grocery store...who happens to teach beginning actor's classes. They exchange cards. Bada-boom. Synchronicty. It's more meaningful and impressive than coincidence. My most recent experience with it, I'll share with you after I explain the final part of an Artist's Way Week (that'll I'll include here). What I have found to be the "keys" to syncrhonicity is two-fold. One, being open to it. Two, being aware of it. Not a week goes by where one of my fellow group members doesn't have an ephiphany through our group discussions because he/she just hasn't paid attention to their synchronocity.

Weekly Gathering- if you choose to do this process with a group, rather than alone, then you meet weekly and share your experiences with the mornings pages, tasks, artist's date, and syncrhonicity. These gatherings have been the soul of the process for me. I have loved them, and the people in them.

And now onto my Artist's Date and the risk taing for this week. Last night, I attended a local art show downtown. One of my co-conspirators in the Artist's Way is a children's book author whose books and art were on display. She introduced me to several of the women standing around her when I approached her for a sqwunchy hug. One of the ladies turned out to be the museum coordinator. Since my friend introduced me as "my artist friend!" the curator asked to have my information. I shared it with her! Her parting words were, "I'll call or email you and maybe we can meet for me to see your portfoilio." !!! This is a HUGE step and feels like an enormous risk. My adult self feels partially paralized, but my inner artist child (the squealing one) is the voice and the excited emotional tide that I'm choosing to focus on. The synchronicity is that I keep thinking how much I would like to get my art out into the community. I've been halfway imagining ways to try this, but had never pushed myself into action.

Now...I have to make a portfiolio (smile), something I actually haven't done much of before. It's so exciting. And even if nothing in particular comes from it- although I vehemently hope that's not the case -at least I can say I tried. And try I will. With heart, soul, creativity, and playfulness, I will face this new venture and risk head on, knowing that as I do, I continue to release my authentic artist self.

Image of Balance

In her book, The Artist's Way, Julia Cameron suggests a way to imagine the balance (or lack, thereof) in your life. She says to draw a circle. And then divide the circle into 6 pie pieces that you label: friends, romance/adventure, work, spirituality, exercise and play. With me so far? Ok. Next you'll want to draw a dot in each space. This dot is very representational because it signifies how satisfied you are with that area of your life. The closer the the center of the circle that you draw it, the less satisfied you are with it. The closer to the outside edge of the circle you place the dot, the more satisfied you are.

Now, you connect the dots from one section to the next. You should have something that looks like the outline of a spider web. It looks more like a circle if you are more balanced in your life. Hopefully soon, I'll find a way to create this on my computer, and I'll post the picture. I have found this very helpful. I've been making about one a month for the past few months, and it's been helpful for reevaluating those sections of my life I'm not taking care of as well.

So today I just wanted to share this helpful tool! Happy Friday!

Short Term

Today's short term artistic goal is two-fold. The first part is to play with my new soft pastels! So far, I've only created a couple of pieces with them. One, a bouquet of flowers that I had on my dining room table at the time. The second, an abstract palate of color much out of ordinary color schemes. Oh, mini-personal challenges, how you stretch me artistically... :)

The second, is to take some time to intentionally visualize a couple of illusive imaginings that are rolling around in my head somewhere. I have found that when I give myself over to those imaginings more fully, then the creation process is less frustrating because I have an idea of where I'd like it to go. That's not to say that the process doesn't evolve, because it most certainly does. And it's always interesting to see what pieces arise that I didn't anticipate. But having an idea, gives me a point to reach toward and feel much more intentional and aware.

It's all rather interesting and exciting. I think it will also help to imagine people for whom pieces of artwork may be intended. Whether that be people I actually know, or people like Jane Austen who inspire me. There's something interesting! What would I create for Jane Austen, should I be able to provide her a piece of artwork.

Hmmm...more will be thought on that. Happy Thursday!

A Chapter Closing?

Tonight was the second to last meeting of a group I've been attending called "The Artist's Way." It has helped me to see how truly blocked I have been artistically. I am challenging myself to continue looking at the world through my silly and creative artist's eye. And I want to take ever more risks in sharing my art with those I love and to people in various other communities.

I was just excited about this determination that I wanted to share it!

So while one chapter may be closing with the ending of my group, I am anticipating the opening of several volumes in my life. How exciting!

Namaste.

Repetition

Lately, I've felt like a child in ways due to repetition. I was that child who wanted the same book read to her over and over again. (Three Billy Goat's Gruff) As far as I've been made aware, this is something one should grow out of in their adulthood. So why have I not, I wonder? Currently, I'm rereading a series of books for the third time in less than a year. I've been listening to the same CD for weeks. I wonder if it's a pattern within myself. When I'm afraid to expand or grow, I stick with the familiar, even when the familiar does not entirely hold the same promise it once did. I settle. Even though I do not feel fulfilled where I am, I still find it holding a sense of safety, rather than stepping out into the unknown. While they may certainly be true, it's boring and compromising in a negative way! Blech.

I've done this settling repetition with jobs too. And I do it with music and books. I like the comfort of it. But, at the same time, I'm itching to challenge myself and expand who I am and what I think about myself, the world, and my place in it.

I reconnected with a professor of mine this weekend. I think, after I re-finish the current series I'm reading (I'm OCD enough that I cannot stop a series part of the way through), I shall read her latest book. It's called Though the Fig Tree Does Not Blossom. It's about a theology of hope. This professor is someone who I massively respect and enjoy. Her classes and perspectives are very interesting. So I think that's a good place to start. I was about to begin mentally planning other reading adventures to follow this one, because I'm all about lists. However, I think I'll just chill out for a bit, focus on this one book, and then see if it inspires another book or genre afterwards. See...practical and possible ;-)

Peace out!