24 & 25 Weeks

One of the big things happening these past couple of weeks is that I've been having trouble with my blood pressure. It's caused a couple extra doctor visits. Now I'm having to track my blood pressure as well as my sugar. Luckily, one of the nurses I work with was able to share an automatic blood pressure cuff with me so I can keep track of it at home. Acid reflux is still a terrible thing. In the past month, I think I've only had one night where I wasn't woken up because of the terrible burning.

Some good and productive things that have happened are more cleaning and purging. Dan's dad came up this weekend and the two of them moved the china cabinet from the front bedroom (nursery in progress) into our bedroom. Then they also put together the dresser for the nursery. We also picked out and bought a paint color! It's a lovely and bright lighter blue. And the light pink curtains with small white polka dots arrived. The next bigger project will be the painting. I really wish I could help with that, but we weren't able to find the chemical and fume free paint. Maybe I can at least help with the taping.

Invitations for our Wilmington baby shower were supposed to go into the mail today! We went to Target and updated our registry there. It feels like there's so much to do and get done! Not to mention, still so much to get. Some of the main items I know we need include: a bassinet for our room for baby to sleep in, a car seat, a stroller, a baby monitor, and sheets for the bed. There are a ton more things we want and need, of course. And several things that will make our world a little easier.

We met with a potential doula this week as well. I wasn't sure for a while if it was something I would want to consider. But when friends had their baby this last week and talked about the amazing value of having their midwife, I decided I wanted to look into doula services. Especially when I had a severe moment of panic where I felt completely overwhelmed - specifically about a birth plan. One conversation with Julie helped me feel validated and already much more comfortable. We've decided we want to hire her. We just need to get the funds figured out so we can compensate her. Another wonderful thing about meeting with her is that I got to try on some baby wearing gear. I'd been worried about being too plus sized for them. But she brought a couple I could try on after our more official meeting. One of them fit particularly well and was comfortable, not to mention beautiful. But the story behind it made me love it even more. Several years ago, she had it custom made for a doula client that she had a personal connection with. Julie even helped design it and picked out the material. When that mom was finished with it, she sold it to another mom...who sold it to another mom...who eventually consigned it. Julie found it in a consignment shop and bought it back! So in addition to fitting well and looking beautiful, it's got all this wonderful mojo. I plan to buy it from her so I can wear our tiny one out and about. 

One speed bump along the way with this is that my first conversation with my mom about wanting to hire a doula was not very good. She was not receptive to the notion and passive aggressively talked about the doctor's potential problem with it. Julie has worked with doctors at Glen Meade before and she's on the Family Life Committee at this hospital this year. She's responsible, professional, and will not be getting in the way of the doctors. But frankly, it sounds like the MDs will be much less present until the actual pushing. Julie would be there to help with natural pain management, support for Dan, helping me find positions to be in for comfort and to help with labor. And she'll be a neutral person on our birthing team to help us do the best to create and follow through our birth plan. Moreover, she'll also stick around after we have the baby to help us set up in our house, help me with breastfeeding, and so forth. I plan to have a face to face conversation with mom about doula services. But I have an event for work I need to get through first.

As for baby, these past two weeks she has been the size of an eggplant to a rutabaga and napa cabbage. I checked out the latter two when we went to the grocery store tonight. It seems so big! I also feel her move all throughout the day now, especially when I'm sitting still. Her heart rate continues to be in the mid 150s at the doctor. I'm finally not feeling nervous waiting to hear it, because her movement lets me know she's okay. Also this week, I saw my stomach move with one of her kicks! Dan hasn't been able to catch that yet, but I hope he will soon. My apps also let me know that she's plumping up some now. She can supposedly detect and respond to light and, of course, she continues to hear me better each week. Her nostrils are starting to open and the air sacs in her lungs continue to develop, priming her to breathe air in just a few months. She has hit a milestone with her lungs, meaning she is getting more to the point of viability outside the womb

A side project I decided to work on is gathering artwork from friends for the nursery. As it is, including Dan and me, there will be nine pieces of original artwork at this time. I'm excited to surround her with beautiful things made with love.

In the next few weeks, some of the things we're looking forward to most are birthing classes, going to Pfeiffer's homecoming, and going to the Renaissance Festival in Concord with my friend Lynda. I'm especially looking forward to Pfeiffer. I've been getting particularly sentimental about going where our relationship began; especially as we are on the cusp of a huge change in our relationship and family status.

More soon!

22 & 23 Weeks

This has been a busy past couple of weeks. Therefore, I'm behind on writing and decided to combine my 22nd and 23rd weeks of pregnancy into one blog.

Last week, my husband, mom, dad, and I traveled to Maryland for my cousin Michelle's wedding. Three out of the four of us were sick and we were all sharing a hotel room. It made for some very awful nights with little sleep. Two things that have significantly gotten worse these past couple of weeks are acid reflux and carpel tunnel type tingling in my hands and fingers. Both have been making me very uncomfortable. For the first one, I had to sleep in the chair in the hotel room more often than the bed, because sitting up sleeping helped gravity work in my favor. But it didn't stop me from having a night where I spent most of the time in the bathroom, my upset body trying to vomit all the acid from my stomach. The whole experience was pretty terrible. For the most part, though, I enjoyed the time with my family. I don't get to see this side very often, but being sick was making it really hard to fully engage. Also, I was officiating the wedding, so I had nerves preparing for that. But I think it all worked out. I even managed to keep some of my voice that, though husky, was able to project without a microphone for the ceremony. 

The third symptom that has been more difficult this week is that my feet and ankles have been swelling significantly. I spent most of the reception sitting at the table, with my legs propped up in Dan's lap. He sweetly held glasses with ice to my ankles to help me feel better. One of my aunt's friends told her to tell me that I had the sweetest husband. Don't I know it. I am very grateful for his loving nature and his kind attentiveness while I've been pregnant. I didn't want to miss any of the reception because, as I said, I don't get to see these family members often. So we stayed the whole time; me with my feet propped and Dan being sweet and awesome. 

One other significant interaction from the wedding weekend was seeing my biological grandmother for the first time in 11 years. That's also how long it's been since we've spoken to each other. While the story behind all that is much too long and exhaustive for me to want to get into now, suffice it to say that I was feeling quite anxious about seeing her and what our interactions would bring. Specifically, I was worried about two things. 1) A feeling of forced intimacy, as though the past decade plus would not have mattered. And 2) That she was recently in touch with my biological mom and I felt very possessive of my personal information. For example, I didn't want my biological mom to know anything about me being pregnant or even how I was doing overall. I don't feel like she deserves to know. I think this interaction my by grandmother went as well as it could have. We were kind to one another, nothing felt forced either positively or negatively, and she went out of her way to get several outfits for Emma in a variety of sizes. As for the latter worry, she explained to my aunt that she is no longer in touch with my biological mother. Whether it's true or not, I felt a bit relieved to hear it. 

At the end of our trip to Maryland, Emma had been gifted several outfits, a bib, a burp cloth, and a small crocheted pink sweater ornament. What a lucky girl she is. Although, I do admit that as of today, only having just over 16 weeks left in my pregnancy feels like nothing for all that we have left to do! I just have to hope that we will somehow manage. Speaking of tasks left to do, we also ordered the laminate flooring we hope to put down in the house instead of our very old carpet. It's currently backordered, so it'll be a few weeks before it arrives and then can be put in. I have to keep telling myself to breathe. Somehow it will work. "Perfect" is not something I'm trying to achieve. I'm just trying to prepare our house enough that a baby would be able to eat, sleep, and poop. That's more manageable right? We registered at Target the Monday after arriving home from Maryland. It was both fun and overwhelming. I am grateful for the two showers that are being discussed for the Autumn. I hope they will help me feel a bit more prepared. In the meantime, I want us to pick out a paint color for the nursery and get to work on that while we're waiting for the flooring to arrive. 

At the end of so many days sharing a hotel room and car with my parents, I was definitely ready to get back home and life with Dan again. But before our trek home, we were hit with some devastating news. When we got into our car after the wedding, my mom had two missed calls - one from my aunt, one from my cousin. My mom said she had a bad feeling, especially because they knew we were at Michelle's wedding. My mom called them both back. She couldn't reach my aunt, but she did manage to get my cousin. She quickly started crying at the news she was told. She got off the phone as soon as she could to tell us that a friend's husband shot and killed himself that night. My mom was sobbing in the back seat, and I was sitting in the front seat, absolutely stunned. Somewhere in the haze that followed, it occurred to me that this family might ask me to do the funeral for them. Our families are very interconnected and I had officiated a funeral for another family member earlier this year. I spent most of the night thinking and then writing out some thoughts that I might could use in a service, if asked.

Sure enough, on Monday, my aunt called me and passed along a message. I think the assumption that I would officiate was so prevailing, that I never got officially asked. Rather, I was just checked with that a certain day and time would work for me. I spent a huge amount of my week preparing. Not just the writing, but the thinking, grieving, crying, pondering, and feeling. It was the hardest funeral I've ever had to do. And the most attended. So many people were present to know and support the family. And I think it's part of why I postponed writing this blog for so long. Because these past two weeks of my pregnancy have been much overshadowed by other life events; Michelle's wedding and Jon's death. 

But as for my pregnancy, here are some of my thoughts and updates. This week marked a change on things feeling much harder. The swelling, the tingling hands that inhibit certain tasks, and the acid reflux which has particularly made sleeping difficult, are all very prevalent. I've been trying not to complain much. I acknowledge the difficulties, don't get me wrong, and I share them with Dan whenever I need to. But I keep remembering hearing friends in the past complaining about their pregnancies, when I wasn't pregnant and longing to be. And it would make me so bitter. I would be so frustrated at their insensitivity in sharing their complaints with me. I felt like the worst recipient of their comments because I kept thinking, "Stop complaining to me! At least you're pregnant!" And there are definitely people I could never and would never share these thoughts with. But I have still found myself crying these past couple of weeks, wondering if I could handle these symptoms getting worse. Then also imagining what other symptoms may come along the way. As it is, my nurses at work are having to check my blood pressure regularly because the doctor's office is worried that it's a factor in my swollen feet. Which could be a precursor to preeclampsia. If either number in my blood pressure gets above 140/90, then I'm supposed to call them and/or come in. And it's been close a couple times. 

At 22 weeks, Emma was the size of corn on the cob. This week, she is the size of a bunch of grapes. I've also learned that her face has fully formed and is just waiting for more fat to fill it out some. Her ears are still developing and her sense of hearing is greatly improving. Also, her blood vessels are continuing to develop in her lungs to help her breathe! And she is definitely starting to kick more! I feel it and know that it's what I'm feeling - finally! Now I've been trying to help Dan feel it. No luck on that front yet, but I can just imagine the look on his face when it happens for the first time. *Update since writing this just a few hours ago! Dan felt Emma move! I pulled him over because she seemed particularly wiggly. He held his hand on my lower stomach. After a minute, he sweet voice got higher and hmhe said, "I think I felt her!!" O got very emotional. I tried not to cry too much while he was still feeling because it makes it harder to feel. It was such a sweet, special moment. Today, I also finished my first ever blanket and I made it for Emma. So that makes row milestones today. 

This past Sunday, September 6th, was our 13th engagement anniversary. It's been 13 years since he proposed and we really decided that we wanted to spend our lives together. We went downtown and had lunch at a riverside restaurant. We then followed that with dessert at a new crepe place. And Emma was kicking the whole time we were there! Dan shared a post on facebook that we were checking out Betsey's Crepes for the first time; and he wrote that he was there with me and Emma. It still makes me smile thinking about how he included her. Which brings me to my final thought for this week. I have a new favorite word. It's "daughter."

Until next time!