Jane Austen

I once knew a person who read everything she could about John F. Kennedy. Biographies, articles, etc. I thought it very interesting that she would devote so much time to learn so much about an historical figure. I envied it and thought, I would love to have that, but who?

But as years have gone by, I have realized I have someone. Jane Austen is my person. She is the one whose story captivates me, whose writing enthralls me and draws me back again and again, and whose insights on the livelihood of women of her time is priceless in its uniqueness.

Tonight I watched "Becoming Jane" and cried. The unrequited nature of her life breaks my heart. Would that I could change it for her. She wrote characters who, through trial and difficulty, eventually get the yearnings of their heart. Some may call it naive, but I prefer to believe that there is hope for just such possibility. I will continue to read and reread her novels, and gain inspiration and promise in their hope. I will fully appreciate the love of my life who I was fortunate enough to marry. I will try and do good and be kind in a way that all of Jane's characters manage, even if it takes them time and enlightenment.

Jane, you will be well remembered and often cherished for your wit, your humour, and your love. I wish you had been able to have more of it in your lifetime. Rest in peace.

Expected Excitement

This weekend I am heading back to the Inland Empire for a couple of glorious days spent in the company of several friends. I'll be going to a double pirate birthday party, going dancing at a gay club I have yet to be able to visit, spending the night with wonderful friend, and hopefully having some great conversations all the while.

Just one more day at work before I can embrace the list above. I have a visit with a patient's daughter today. I don't know what it will be like, but my last conversation with her was pretty good. I have some ideas about what may be topics we light upon. Basically, I want to see how her vacation was last week for starters because she finally allowed herself the time for some self care. She was able to take her grandchildren to a water park for a whole week while we cared for her mother. I want to see how doing that was for her.

Also, I haven't heard much from my family this week. There were a couple of weeks where I was calling to check in almost everyday. What's sad is that, my mom rarely ever calls me. It's only to leave messages like, "I haven't heard from you in a while. Are you alright!??!" News to my mom: The phones can be used other than to reach out in a made-up emergency situation. I like keeping in touch with people and trying to stay connected to them. But ti can wear on me when all the attempted connection comes from my corner. Le sigh.

Off for now. Gotta get ready for my last day or work before friend craziness!!!

Death Bed Visit

This weekend was my first weekend on call for the Hospice I'm working with, and we had two deaths. Our census (patient load) is not very large, so it's surprising to have two deaths in one weekend. Actually, in a day.

I won't go into a lot, but it definitely shook me. On Monday, this man and I were laughing about our names rhyming with "smelly" and the nicknames that inevitably followed in our school days. And today, I was helping to dress him in the clothes picked out by his wife, son, and daughter-in-law. It was very hard. It just hit me at full force how mortal we all are. I suspected this would be my response to my job at some point, but up 'til now it has been very much on an intellectual level. Today it hit an emotional and spiritual one.

I don't think I can write much more now. I'm going to spend some time with my wonderful husband.

Peace.