This week, I'm just realizing a new level of juggling that's required to balance Emma, family, friends, work, etc. I was off work for ten blissful days and we traveled, visited family and friends, and had an all around wonderful time. But trying to catch up with work and seeing all my patients afterward has been tremendously difficult and stressful. I had a day where I completely hit the wall this week. I was so stressed that small things were close to sending me over the edge. It wasn't just one small thing. It was ALL the small things. The next day, however, it was like I was a step beyond being overwhelmed and stressed. It was all still there, but I think I hit a new level of coping with it. In some ways, I was eerily calm. Maybe I was just tired. But at least my heart wasn't racing as much.
Also, we have had things scheduled for every evening this week and it's been too much. For a while now, I have not been involved in any groups or activities in the evenings. I committed to leading a service at my church not that long ago and though the service went really well, it confirmed that time away in the evenings and weekends is not something I want to have right now. I want downtime, a chance to catch up with Dan, time with Emma playing, laughing, and fully observing our sweet little life. She is changing so much. And I want to be present for as much as possible.
This isn't really a long, involved post. I just wanted to take a moment to recommit to my decision to limit involvement in things other than family and some friendships right now. And it has never been easier to say "no." I hope this is a lesson I can take into the future.
