"Irresistible Revolution"

This is a brief story about a friend I'll call A in this blog. She and I have been friends for almost 7 years now. Our friendship started in a very unique way. Perhaps that is why our relationship has remained interestingly unique to this day. When I left for college, I experienced a the natural transition away from home. With each visit back to Wilmington, I fit less and less into the K-shaped hole I left behind. Where I felt this deepening sense of disconnection most was at the church I left. I was very wrapped up in this church, especially in the choir. During my first semester away, A started going to the church. At the time, she and I shared a lot of physical similarities. Namely, long curly blond hair. She began singing soprano in the choir, the same part I sang there. She even began using my choir book. She became friends with my dad who would say things like, "It's like having another daughter." And she would say, "Your dad is so much like my dad." So I began to feel resentful and replaced. So what did I do? I asked A out for a cup of coffee and told her the truth. I told her how I felt jealous and hurt. She even contributed to the conversation with statements like "So when I said this, that really sucked for you to hear huh?" "Yes!" I said. She got it. And from that blatantly honest conversation, we have remained close friends. And that kind of honesty has become a staple for us.

This past year has been a particularly difficult one for A. Her husband came home one day last summer and said he wanted a divorce. It was horrible and sudden, especially because just the day before he had been telling her how much he loved her. Not a situation anyone would want to find themselves in. So A decided to move from North Carolina to Texas in order to be closer to her mother, sister, brother-in-law and nieces. This decision has resulted in both positive and negative outcomes.

A and I have had some long and heartfelt conversations in this last year. Her Christmas/New Year's card to me said much of what I felt. She wrote that for many of her friendships, the more raw she has become with her feelings the less people stay close to her. It's like she becomes to much for them with her most unfiltered emotions. I have felt much the same way throughout my life especially with my energy and talkativeness. But the more honest we are with one another, the closer we become. We have been through so much together. I love her dearly.

This week, I received a small package in the mail from her. I wanted to share what the gift was and the internal reactions I have had to it thus far. But first, a bit about my spiritual journey...a very small bit: I was raised United Methodist and was a very conservative fundamentalist Christian for a lot of years. I read my personal Bible on a regular basis. I attended two youth groups a week, once of which I was the president. I preached regularly around my hometown at church youth groups. I went to choir. I sang with a Christian Recording Company. I preached occasionally at my home church. I prayed. I wanted very much to share the 'Good News' of Jesus Christ to the world. I went on several mission trips. I visited Israel and went to Biblically significant sites. I felt a call to ministry. I studied Christian Education and Youth Ministry in college and pursued a sense of calling to Seminary. I regularly attended statewide and national Christian conferences. Christianity was my life. I thought the most loving thing I could do for anyone was to try and save their eternal soul. This is the first time I written this all down in years, maybe ever. But it's vital to know this about my past to know where I am now.

My faith began to change in undergrad. I was exposed to the concepts and beliefs behind other religions. I was challenged not to think of every interaction as a possible conversion. I began to appreciate the historical side of Christianity as well as the spiritual one. And in graduate school I was introduced to Unitarian Universalism, a faith group of which I now feel like a kindred spirit. Here are some of the basics of UU-ness.

There are seven principles which Unitarian Universalist congregations affirm and promote:

• The inherent worth and dignity of every person;
• Justice, equity and compassion in human relations;
• Acceptance of one another and encouragement to spiritual growth in our congregations;
• A free and responsible search for truth and meaning;
• The right of conscience and the use of the democratic process within our congregations and in society at large;
• The goal of world community with peace, liberty, and justice for all;
• Respect for the interdependent web of all existence of which we are a part.

Unitarian Universalism (UU) draws from many sources:

• Direct experience of that transcending mystery and wonder, affirmed in all cultures, which moves us to a renewal of the spirit and an openness to the forces which create and uphold life;
• Words and deeds of prophetic women and men which challenge us to confront powers and structures of evil with justice, compassion, and the transforming power of love;
• Wisdom from the world's religions which inspires us in our ethical and spiritual life;
• Jewish and Christian teachings which call us to respond to God's love by loving our neighbors as ourselves;
• Humanist teachings which counsel us to heed the guidance of reason and the results of science, and warn us against idolatries of the mind and spirit.
• Spiritual teachings of earth-centered traditions which celebrate the sacred circle of life and instruct us to live in harmony with the rhythms of nature.

This is where my heart is. On Thursday, A sent me a book called Irresistible Revolution. It's written Shane Claiborne and the forward is by Jim Wallis. When I first saw the book, my eyes focused on the second name, which was one I knew. He had visited CST and spoke there a couple of years ago. I remember finding him difficult to listen to. I find exclusivity of religion difficult to listen to. Any claim that one way is right for all people everywhere and I cringe. That's what I am worried this book will be like. But, and I want to make this clear, I like Jesus. I have been thinking how much I wish Jesus had been able to write books. I think he was radical and challenged tradition but embraced parts of it as well. But I also very much like Thich Nhat Hanh. And Ghandi. And Martin Luther King, Jr. I draw on nature for peace and connection to what is beyond myself. On the back of this book is written a statement about living out "an authentic Christian faith." I am curious what the author means by this. But I am worried. I am worried about reading it because I have little exposed myself to what I consider "conservative" Christian thoughts in a while. I have been exploring my progressivism and my inclusion of other faith traditions and religions. But I am also aware that I have a desire to connect with people. The Conservative Christian Right is being challenged in this book as well. That intrigues me. I want to be open to that of which I am no longer a part. I have spent much time closing myself off to it. Ideally, I would like to be so secure in my own spiritual journey that I can maintain an openness mentally, intellectually, and spiritually to Christianity. Am I a Christian? I don't know. A fellow colleague from CST says he came to seminary to explore what it is to be a Christian. I think he found that the answers to that query are widely personal. Regardless, I still don't know if I can call myself a Christian at this point.

With all this running through my mind, I read A's note to me that she emblazoned inside the book. "This could be what you've been looking for! So amazing! I love you!" -A. She also wrote, "This is a very powerful book. Read it and then call me! I wanna know what you think." She has obviously experienced something special from this book. I worry that I won't. I have already read some things that make me angry like, "the shallow spirituality that marks liberals." I call myself a liberal, but do not think my spirituality is shallow. It is much much different than the spirituality I sought and lived as I described above. But I have exceedingly meaningful spiritual practices like journaling, reading, connecting with nature, drumming, meditating, etc. I want to be able to share all this with A. I want her to hear me say that I don't think I can authentically call myself a Christian, because I don't think she understands that about my faith journey. I want to honor our friendship with this honesty, but I anticipate that this will be difficult for her to hear.

I do want to read this book. Not only because it can connect me with a dear friend. But because it can connect me from that which I have been running. I want to experience this from the place I am now. I want to find something meaningful in its pages, but not lose myself to it. I want to pay attention to what changes my mood and feelings: what makes me angry. What I may (probably begrudgingly) find helpful or insightful. I think Jesus and Thich Nhat Hanh would have deeply appreciated one another. That thought does so much for me.

And so I begin a new phase of my spiritual evolution.