24 & 25 Weeks

One of the big things happening these past couple of weeks is that I've been having trouble with my blood pressure. It's caused a couple extra doctor visits. Now I'm having to track my blood pressure as well as my sugar. Luckily, one of the nurses I work with was able to share an automatic blood pressure cuff with me so I can keep track of it at home. Acid reflux is still a terrible thing. In the past month, I think I've only had one night where I wasn't woken up because of the terrible burning.

Some good and productive things that have happened are more cleaning and purging. Dan's dad came up this weekend and the two of them moved the china cabinet from the front bedroom (nursery in progress) into our bedroom. Then they also put together the dresser for the nursery. We also picked out and bought a paint color! It's a lovely and bright lighter blue. And the light pink curtains with small white polka dots arrived. The next bigger project will be the painting. I really wish I could help with that, but we weren't able to find the chemical and fume free paint. Maybe I can at least help with the taping.

Invitations for our Wilmington baby shower were supposed to go into the mail today! We went to Target and updated our registry there. It feels like there's so much to do and get done! Not to mention, still so much to get. Some of the main items I know we need include: a bassinet for our room for baby to sleep in, a car seat, a stroller, a baby monitor, and sheets for the bed. There are a ton more things we want and need, of course. And several things that will make our world a little easier.

We met with a potential doula this week as well. I wasn't sure for a while if it was something I would want to consider. But when friends had their baby this last week and talked about the amazing value of having their midwife, I decided I wanted to look into doula services. Especially when I had a severe moment of panic where I felt completely overwhelmed - specifically about a birth plan. One conversation with Julie helped me feel validated and already much more comfortable. We've decided we want to hire her. We just need to get the funds figured out so we can compensate her. Another wonderful thing about meeting with her is that I got to try on some baby wearing gear. I'd been worried about being too plus sized for them. But she brought a couple I could try on after our more official meeting. One of them fit particularly well and was comfortable, not to mention beautiful. But the story behind it made me love it even more. Several years ago, she had it custom made for a doula client that she had a personal connection with. Julie even helped design it and picked out the material. When that mom was finished with it, she sold it to another mom...who sold it to another mom...who eventually consigned it. Julie found it in a consignment shop and bought it back! So in addition to fitting well and looking beautiful, it's got all this wonderful mojo. I plan to buy it from her so I can wear our tiny one out and about. 

One speed bump along the way with this is that my first conversation with my mom about wanting to hire a doula was not very good. She was not receptive to the notion and passive aggressively talked about the doctor's potential problem with it. Julie has worked with doctors at Glen Meade before and she's on the Family Life Committee at this hospital this year. She's responsible, professional, and will not be getting in the way of the doctors. But frankly, it sounds like the MDs will be much less present until the actual pushing. Julie would be there to help with natural pain management, support for Dan, helping me find positions to be in for comfort and to help with labor. And she'll be a neutral person on our birthing team to help us do the best to create and follow through our birth plan. Moreover, she'll also stick around after we have the baby to help us set up in our house, help me with breastfeeding, and so forth. I plan to have a face to face conversation with mom about doula services. But I have an event for work I need to get through first.

As for baby, these past two weeks she has been the size of an eggplant to a rutabaga and napa cabbage. I checked out the latter two when we went to the grocery store tonight. It seems so big! I also feel her move all throughout the day now, especially when I'm sitting still. Her heart rate continues to be in the mid 150s at the doctor. I'm finally not feeling nervous waiting to hear it, because her movement lets me know she's okay. Also this week, I saw my stomach move with one of her kicks! Dan hasn't been able to catch that yet, but I hope he will soon. My apps also let me know that she's plumping up some now. She can supposedly detect and respond to light and, of course, she continues to hear me better each week. Her nostrils are starting to open and the air sacs in her lungs continue to develop, priming her to breathe air in just a few months. She has hit a milestone with her lungs, meaning she is getting more to the point of viability outside the womb

A side project I decided to work on is gathering artwork from friends for the nursery. As it is, including Dan and me, there will be nine pieces of original artwork at this time. I'm excited to surround her with beautiful things made with love.

In the next few weeks, some of the things we're looking forward to most are birthing classes, going to Pfeiffer's homecoming, and going to the Renaissance Festival in Concord with my friend Lynda. I'm especially looking forward to Pfeiffer. I've been getting particularly sentimental about going where our relationship began; especially as we are on the cusp of a huge change in our relationship and family status.

More soon!

22 & 23 Weeks

This has been a busy past couple of weeks. Therefore, I'm behind on writing and decided to combine my 22nd and 23rd weeks of pregnancy into one blog.

Last week, my husband, mom, dad, and I traveled to Maryland for my cousin Michelle's wedding. Three out of the four of us were sick and we were all sharing a hotel room. It made for some very awful nights with little sleep. Two things that have significantly gotten worse these past couple of weeks are acid reflux and carpel tunnel type tingling in my hands and fingers. Both have been making me very uncomfortable. For the first one, I had to sleep in the chair in the hotel room more often than the bed, because sitting up sleeping helped gravity work in my favor. But it didn't stop me from having a night where I spent most of the time in the bathroom, my upset body trying to vomit all the acid from my stomach. The whole experience was pretty terrible. For the most part, though, I enjoyed the time with my family. I don't get to see this side very often, but being sick was making it really hard to fully engage. Also, I was officiating the wedding, so I had nerves preparing for that. But I think it all worked out. I even managed to keep some of my voice that, though husky, was able to project without a microphone for the ceremony. 

The third symptom that has been more difficult this week is that my feet and ankles have been swelling significantly. I spent most of the reception sitting at the table, with my legs propped up in Dan's lap. He sweetly held glasses with ice to my ankles to help me feel better. One of my aunt's friends told her to tell me that I had the sweetest husband. Don't I know it. I am very grateful for his loving nature and his kind attentiveness while I've been pregnant. I didn't want to miss any of the reception because, as I said, I don't get to see these family members often. So we stayed the whole time; me with my feet propped and Dan being sweet and awesome. 

One other significant interaction from the wedding weekend was seeing my biological grandmother for the first time in 11 years. That's also how long it's been since we've spoken to each other. While the story behind all that is much too long and exhaustive for me to want to get into now, suffice it to say that I was feeling quite anxious about seeing her and what our interactions would bring. Specifically, I was worried about two things. 1) A feeling of forced intimacy, as though the past decade plus would not have mattered. And 2) That she was recently in touch with my biological mom and I felt very possessive of my personal information. For example, I didn't want my biological mom to know anything about me being pregnant or even how I was doing overall. I don't feel like she deserves to know. I think this interaction my by grandmother went as well as it could have. We were kind to one another, nothing felt forced either positively or negatively, and she went out of her way to get several outfits for Emma in a variety of sizes. As for the latter worry, she explained to my aunt that she is no longer in touch with my biological mother. Whether it's true or not, I felt a bit relieved to hear it. 

At the end of our trip to Maryland, Emma had been gifted several outfits, a bib, a burp cloth, and a small crocheted pink sweater ornament. What a lucky girl she is. Although, I do admit that as of today, only having just over 16 weeks left in my pregnancy feels like nothing for all that we have left to do! I just have to hope that we will somehow manage. Speaking of tasks left to do, we also ordered the laminate flooring we hope to put down in the house instead of our very old carpet. It's currently backordered, so it'll be a few weeks before it arrives and then can be put in. I have to keep telling myself to breathe. Somehow it will work. "Perfect" is not something I'm trying to achieve. I'm just trying to prepare our house enough that a baby would be able to eat, sleep, and poop. That's more manageable right? We registered at Target the Monday after arriving home from Maryland. It was both fun and overwhelming. I am grateful for the two showers that are being discussed for the Autumn. I hope they will help me feel a bit more prepared. In the meantime, I want us to pick out a paint color for the nursery and get to work on that while we're waiting for the flooring to arrive. 

At the end of so many days sharing a hotel room and car with my parents, I was definitely ready to get back home and life with Dan again. But before our trek home, we were hit with some devastating news. When we got into our car after the wedding, my mom had two missed calls - one from my aunt, one from my cousin. My mom said she had a bad feeling, especially because they knew we were at Michelle's wedding. My mom called them both back. She couldn't reach my aunt, but she did manage to get my cousin. She quickly started crying at the news she was told. She got off the phone as soon as she could to tell us that a friend's husband shot and killed himself that night. My mom was sobbing in the back seat, and I was sitting in the front seat, absolutely stunned. Somewhere in the haze that followed, it occurred to me that this family might ask me to do the funeral for them. Our families are very interconnected and I had officiated a funeral for another family member earlier this year. I spent most of the night thinking and then writing out some thoughts that I might could use in a service, if asked.

Sure enough, on Monday, my aunt called me and passed along a message. I think the assumption that I would officiate was so prevailing, that I never got officially asked. Rather, I was just checked with that a certain day and time would work for me. I spent a huge amount of my week preparing. Not just the writing, but the thinking, grieving, crying, pondering, and feeling. It was the hardest funeral I've ever had to do. And the most attended. So many people were present to know and support the family. And I think it's part of why I postponed writing this blog for so long. Because these past two weeks of my pregnancy have been much overshadowed by other life events; Michelle's wedding and Jon's death. 

But as for my pregnancy, here are some of my thoughts and updates. This week marked a change on things feeling much harder. The swelling, the tingling hands that inhibit certain tasks, and the acid reflux which has particularly made sleeping difficult, are all very prevalent. I've been trying not to complain much. I acknowledge the difficulties, don't get me wrong, and I share them with Dan whenever I need to. But I keep remembering hearing friends in the past complaining about their pregnancies, when I wasn't pregnant and longing to be. And it would make me so bitter. I would be so frustrated at their insensitivity in sharing their complaints with me. I felt like the worst recipient of their comments because I kept thinking, "Stop complaining to me! At least you're pregnant!" And there are definitely people I could never and would never share these thoughts with. But I have still found myself crying these past couple of weeks, wondering if I could handle these symptoms getting worse. Then also imagining what other symptoms may come along the way. As it is, my nurses at work are having to check my blood pressure regularly because the doctor's office is worried that it's a factor in my swollen feet. Which could be a precursor to preeclampsia. If either number in my blood pressure gets above 140/90, then I'm supposed to call them and/or come in. And it's been close a couple times. 

At 22 weeks, Emma was the size of corn on the cob. This week, she is the size of a bunch of grapes. I've also learned that her face has fully formed and is just waiting for more fat to fill it out some. Her ears are still developing and her sense of hearing is greatly improving. Also, her blood vessels are continuing to develop in her lungs to help her breathe! And she is definitely starting to kick more! I feel it and know that it's what I'm feeling - finally! Now I've been trying to help Dan feel it. No luck on that front yet, but I can just imagine the look on his face when it happens for the first time. *Update since writing this just a few hours ago! Dan felt Emma move! I pulled him over because she seemed particularly wiggly. He held his hand on my lower stomach. After a minute, he sweet voice got higher and hmhe said, "I think I felt her!!" O got very emotional. I tried not to cry too much while he was still feeling because it makes it harder to feel. It was such a sweet, special moment. Today, I also finished my first ever blanket and I made it for Emma. So that makes row milestones today. 

This past Sunday, September 6th, was our 13th engagement anniversary. It's been 13 years since he proposed and we really decided that we wanted to spend our lives together. We went downtown and had lunch at a riverside restaurant. We then followed that with dessert at a new crepe place. And Emma was kicking the whole time we were there! Dan shared a post on facebook that we were checking out Betsey's Crepes for the first time; and he wrote that he was there with me and Emma. It still makes me smile thinking about how he included her. Which brings me to my final thought for this week. I have a new favorite word. It's "daughter."

Until next time!

21 Weeks

Because I was late writing last week, I've already updated my blog a bit. But I still want to keep to my intention of writing once a week. So let's see what I can write about...

This week baby is the size of a banana. Both Dan and I are grateful for a size comparison to something that has a mostly consistent size. For almost a week now, I've been dealing with a terrible cough and cold, which has been taking it out of me. Emma is developing her nerves and sense of touch. Also, her inner ear is developing which is given her a sense of balance! Such a strange thing to consider. I have learned that her pancreas is also growing and producing hormones, which may take some of the hormonal pressure off of me.

In this week's profile photo that Dan and I took, I can see a significant bump where she is! It's like, "yep, there's Emma!" And my favorite tidbit so far this week is that my daily movements rock her to sleep throughout most of the day. And! I may start to notice my hair growing in thicker than before. I can definitely tell that on my legs! Geez. I've never been one to shave all the time, taking great relief in my light, thin leg hair. But lately, that has not been the case. It definitely is making me more self-conscious. We'll just see how long my baby bump allows me to shave comfortably!

I think this will be a shorter blog this week. It happens. Especially when I'm feeling puny. So the last thing I want to share right now is that this coming Saturday is my cousin Michelle's wedding in Baltimore. I'm really looking forward to seeing family and officiating the wedding. Fun stuff! So hopefully, if I feel better and have the time, I'll have more to share next week. Off for now!

20 Weeks

Well obviously the most important thing on my mind today is that we found out the sex of our baby! We're having a girl! We're pretty sure her name is going to be Emma Rose. The appointment on Wednesday of this week was not my favorite...by a long shot. We waited for over an hour before we were brought back and then Emma was not cooperating with the sonographer. In addition to all her measurements, they needed four different views of her heart. She was sleeping so soundly that they actually had me get dressed again and jump up and down for several minutes before we tried again. Eventually, she got checked out, but not before every other person had already left the building except for us and two staff members. They showed us out a side door because all the others were locked up! By the time we left, I was feeling exhausted and frustrated. Especially because we arrived at the office around 3:15 and didn't leave until 6:15! I was very grateful when Dan pulled me into a warm, loving hug in the parking lot and just held me for a minute. He said sweetly, "We're having a girl" reminding me of the big news we had found out. It slowed me down and helped me appreciate the moment. It felt especially poignant because that's the feeling we both had - that it was a girl. The ultrasound tech was so funny. She said, "Here's a leg. (she typed in a "leg" label)  And here's a leg. (she typed in a second "leg" label)  And there's nothing in the middle! It's a girl!" We looked at each other, holding hands, both of us with tears in our eyes. It was such a special moment. 

Afterward, we headed across town to my parents' house. Dan's parents were there too. As I shared before, to prepare for the day, I had made two baby hats - one pink, one blue. We walked up to the house and I had the pink hat behind my back. Everyone was in the living room when we arrived. I pulled around the pink hat and there was a great, wonderful response. Dan's mom had really been wanting a girl. Although she told me she had a feeling we were having a boy, I really think she was just trying not to get her hopes high for a girl. All along, my mom said she didn't have a feeling one way or another, but when we told her it was a girl, she seemed surprised. Like she may have thought it was a boy after all. We all went to dinner downtown at The George. Neither Dan nor I had ever been there before. It was a nice restaurant with good food that seemed fitting for a special occasion. Now if we ever go back there, we'll have the story of "We came here the night we found out we were having a girl." A moment at dinner that particularly made me smile when my dad was talking about the name we picked out. He cracked me up as he kept up a running commentary, almost to himself. "I like the name Emma...it's old-fashioned sounding...but also kind modern...and it'll be easy for her to say...and easy to spell..." On and on he went with me smiling and listening.  I have been grateful that the responses to the names we've picked out have been positive overall. Especially because what she introduces herself with throughout her life! We figured, too, that giving her the last name that we are, that naming her something simpler and more classic was a kind and loving thing to do.

Since Wednesday, I've been trying to get used to saying "her," "she," and, most importantly, "Emma." I know I want to reread Jane Austen's Emma before she arrives. This is one of the many sources where we appreciate the name. As for Rose, not only is it a lovely and natural sounding name, but it has several connections as well. My aunt who passed away five years ago was Rosemary. The stuffed animal I was gifted from my Godfather when I was two, I named Rosie. And there are a couple of people I know whose first or middle names are Rose and they are silly, thoughtful, creative people. I think it's going to make for a lovely name combo! 

We've purchased a few items for her knowing that we're having a girl. Some onesies and a couple bibs. I think we've also decided on a color scheme for the nursery. It include bright pink, light pink, and turquoise combination. It's been fun updating our Amazon registry with items that complement that scheme. We've also already been told that there are plans for a baby shower in the works, likely sometime in October or November. It's wonderful to imagine celebrating Emma! Plus, it will be nice to receive wonderful things that help to prepare her space in the world.

This weekend was full of birthday celebrations as well. On Saturday, we celebrated the 7th birthday of a friend's son. And then on Sunday, we celebrated my cousin's son's first birthday! Both were fun! I especially liked being around my family as we enjoyed the gifts, food, and whole experience of celebrating our current youngest family member. It's such a strange thing to imagine my cousin and I bringing in the next generation of family. Plus, his son and our Emma will be about as far apart in age as my cousin and I are. We played together a lot growing up. I hope Emma and Parker enjoy being around each other too.

I'm now officially halfway through the pregnancy. It feels crazy to imagine! I'm glad we have so many weeks left though. Especially because of all we have to do in the house. We made a lot of progress going through things this weekend. We are getting very willing to purge things, especially books. We were able to rearrange the furniture in our bedroom some, which is especially good because there's a piece of furniture that's currently in the nursery that will need to be moved into our bedroom. Details, details! The point it, progress was made! I feel like we have forward momentum. Maybe next weekend, we can do even more with it. Then the NEXT weekend, we're going to be in Maryland for my cousin's wedding! Yay! Fun times with family!

For me this week, I'm feeling more confident that the flutters I'm feeling are Emma moving. Next milestone will be for her to move in such a way that Dan can feel her move too. My app says she could be around 10 inches long now. At the ultrasound this week, she was measuring right on point! We had the scan when I was 19 weeks and 6 days. All of her measurements were coming up between 19 weeks 5 days and 20 weeks and 1 day. "Even her head" Dan was ready to point out, which made me giggle! A strange fact is that Emma already has her lifetime's worth of eggs in her ovaries. That is craziness! She's also sprouting teeth buds beneath her gums and is developing her lips, eyelashes, and eyebrows! The strangest thing I've read is that she might already be having REM sleep and could be dreaming. Dan asked the extremely interesting question, "I wonder what she could dream about..." What indeed?! No answer came to mind, but I'm fascinated! Also this week, I've decided that I'm ready to get a pregnancy pillow. My back has been particularly achy this week and I'm using more and more pillows at night. Now that a fourth pillow has been added to the mix, the thought of one pillow to replace the wild configuration I'm making is significantly appealing. So with my next paycheck will likely come this fluffy purchase. I'm imagining increased comfort on the horizon and it's very appealing. One other thing I've been contending with this week is the frequency with which my left ankle is swelling. It seems to be having trouble in the same places that I sprained it earlier in the year. As a result, I've been wearing my ankle brace several days. It's been making a difference, but it's a bit cumbersome. But I'll do what I can keeping in mind my motto of "better for baby." That's been helping me with several things, but most especially with the shots I have to give myself several times a day. "Better for baby" over and over. But maybe now it can become "better for Emma." Emma Rose. I hope we can surround her with loving and empowering things. In that respect, Dan's discovery of a website called "A Mighty Girl" that has excellent toys, music, clothes, and books that challenge traditional gender roles. Yeah! I hope I'm growing a little feminist in there!

19 Weeks

I'm now 19 weeks pregnant, only one week from being halfway through my pregnancy! I had a lot of fears this week because I haven't really been feeling anymore flutters or hints of movement. I had a doctor's appointment this past Tuesday and I was hoping that, at that time, my fears would melt away and I would be filled with reassurances. And that did, indeed, happen to a degree. I think I'll always feel worried. But as the doctor was searching for the heartbeat, and reminding me it could take a bit, we heard a "thwump" sound over the monitor. The doctor laughed and said, "Well that was a kick!" It made me laugh to think of the baby pushing back as the doctor was moving around trying to find his or her heartbeat.

I haven't been nearly as weepy this week. On the contrary, I have been significantly more short-tempered. My fuse has been non-existent some days. I snapped at a coworker when I felt she was needlessly lecturing me. I snapped at my mom when she was trying to give me advice when I wasn't looking for any; rather, I was just trying to update her on something. I got annoyed at multiple people's comments and remarks throughout the week. Basically, I have been in the mood I deem "not fit for company." That's a choice I make. It's interesting, because when I watch movies, usually in the "chick-flick" genre, I envy the bitchy best friend trope. I'm jealous of the girl who speaks her mind, unfiltered, despite its responses. The closest I've been to not wearing my verbal Brita has come on the very rare occasions I drink more than a couple drinks. But more often, I am more deliberate in what I say. And what I don't say. So I chose to be around people less this week so I would have less moments to feel guilty and frustrated about. I think it was a good decision. 

Dan and I have also alternated feeling under the weather this week. My worst couple of days were ones where I officiated outdoor funeral services in this dreadful heat. In fact, one day reached the obnoxiously high heat index of 108°. During that service, my place was in the sun and there was no breeze. I drank water whenever I could during the service and made it until the very end, when I was hugging the family. At that point, I got lightheaded and dizzy. I promptly got into The Blueberry (my car) and sat in the air conditioning for several minutes, drinking water and munching ice. When I felt safe enough, I headed home for a cold shower to continue the cool down process. It took quite a lot out of me and I spent the remainder of the day resting and recovering. I think I did well caring for baby and myself. And I know it was ridiculously hot, but I think I was outside for around half an hour. So much recovery for such a short amount of time!

About baby this week: Baby is now around six inches long. I learned that my app can compare Baby to multiple objects, not just fruits and vegetables. As for that particular comparison, Baby is described as being the length of a zucchini. I find that rather unhelpful because zucchinis come in so many different sizes. But some of the other comparisons are a crepe suzette, a Gameboy, and a hedgehog! So silly! I'm definitely going to keep checking these other themes; Parisian bakery, fun & games, and weird-but-cute animals respectively. I've also learned that Baby is developing a waxy coating that will protect him/her from the amniotic fluid and help Baby move down the birth canal. This apparently means I might notice some changes in my own skin. There are warnings about making sure I wear enough sunscreen because of the increased chance of skin changes and sensitivity. Baby's brain is developing more, especially those parts that control the each of the senses. Baby is growing hairs on its tiny head. Plus, his or her coordination is increasing as well.

I'm also beginning to notice the bottom of my stomach rounding out more and looking more full. Starting off my pregnancy overweight, I wasn't sure how my pregnancy would make me look for a while. I do look pregnant. But the part of my stomach that people want to touch is not full of baby yet. Baby is beneath that, pushing up the rest of my middle. But it's interesting and emotionally moving to finally notice a change. And I'm sure there are plenty more to come.

Next week when I write, I'll be able to share the sex of our baby! So exciting! This week, I crocheted both a light blue and a light pink hat to be prepared and help share the news with our parents. Four days until we know!

18 Weeks

I am now 18 weeks pregnant. In under two weeks' time, we'll learn the sex of the baby and I'll reach the HALFWAY mark! Which feels absolutely crazy. I have another regular follow-up appointment on August 4th. Then on the 12th, we have our detailed anatomy ultrasound. What we've decided to do about telling our parents is this: Dan's parents will be coming up from North Myrtle and they'll go straight to my parents' house. Dan and I will go to the appointment, then head over to my parents' as well. And at that time, we'll know if we're having a boy or a girl. We hope to bring something either pink or blue with us, maybe we'll even wear one of the colors, so that when we walk in, they'll know the results from the appointment! And we hope to video their response to the sex just like we did when we told them that we were expecting. I hope it works out!

As for me this week, I've been feeling really sleepy. Sometimes, it's a physical tired as well, but mostly I just feel like I could become napping champion of the world if given the opportunity. My cousin Gray and I spent the day together on Sunday riding the ferry from Fort Fisher to Southport, then walked around a bunch of the shops down there. After that, I felt all kinds of exhausted. While in Southport, I had the most delicious sandwich I can ever remember eating. It was a BLT, with a fried egg and pesto mayonnaise all on a croissant. Gray and I both ordered it and happily devoured the deliciousness. However, when I was nearing the finish line, I kept taking smaller and smaller bites trying to savor it. So silly. And tasty! On another note, I've learned that my blood pressure may drop at times at this stage in my pregnancy. I need to be careful not to stand up too fast, because lightheadedness is sure to follow. That definitely happened this past week. I stood up from the couch to begin fixing dinner, when "Woah...nope," and plopped down until the dizziness passed. Again, one of the things that's really helpful is learning that much of what I'm feeling is normal. But I still have a list of questions to ask the doctors about over the next couple of weeks.

I also tried my second round of yoga during this week. I don't think it's going to be for me. It's not pre-natal friendly enough. For example, there was a stretch of about 10 minutes where the poses began with the participants lying flat on their stomachs. Definitely not something I could do. So I spent all that while doing other stretches and feeling rather disconnected from the class. I have been enjoying the prenatal exercise DVD I ordered though. So I plan to continue that, plus to keep going with the basic cardio I've started while watching TV in the evening. 

On another note, our biggest project when preparing our house is thinking about laminate flooring to replace the worn out carpet. We visited a few stores this past weekend and were able to find some viable choices. I also have a dear friend whose husband has generously offered to come up put the flooring in. Dan feels pretty confident that he can learn how to help and it can be a two-person job. It was such a generous offer, sweetly and genuinely made, that we felt very lucky to have the opportunity to accept. So hopefully we'll be able to change out the main flooring in our house over the next couple of months. Then maybe we can tackle some of the other projects we have in mind.

As for Baby Wheat-Rivers, this week he or she has grown to the size of a sweet potato! This means Baby is around 5.5 inches long. We've come a long way since the poppy seed and peppercorn phase a few months ago. Baby is also apparently moving quite a lot! Kicking and rolling all around. I think I've probably felt baby move, based on a few flutterings I've felt, but I'm still anxious for the time when it's so obvious I can no longer doubt myself. Something else all this movement is causing is a ravenous appetite on my part. I was relieved to learn that this is very normal, because there have been moments where I'm so singularly-minded that I feel like I can't focus on anything until Baby and I are fed. Baby's fingernails, toenails, and even eyelashes are coming in! It's so crazy to imagine! Our tiny one even apparently has fingerprints now. 

In my next entry, I'll be able to share how the next doctor's appointment has gone. And then during the NEXT one, I'll be able to tell the sex of the baby! So many things to look forward to!

17 Weeks

This week, I have noticed a significant increase in my crying. More things are sparking tears and weeping. While talking to a friend, I realized something especially distressing about this. Because I'm a "feeler" and someone who judges much of my interaction with others and the world through my emotions, I'm feeling particularly off kilter at the moment because my emotions are unreliable. It's leaving me feeling disoriented. This same friend, however, also pointed out how wonderful it is that I have Dan as my spouse and partner, because I can trust and rely upon him when my own sense of connection and understanding is a bit...untrustworthy. 

On a positive note, I'm happy to report that Project "Purge and Reorganize" the storage room was a success! With both sets of parents helping, we managed to pull out all the boxes and other items in the storage unit, go through things, throw away a bunch, donate even more, and repack the rest into a much more organization way. Everybody contributed in the ways they could and the result was astounding. And we did it in a really short amount of time overall! We also were able to take out the bed and vanity from our front bedroom and get them back into the storage unit. It feels like we made a huge leap forward at getting ready for baby. Speaking of! My parents' neighbors came together through a series of events and we were able to get a gently used changing table that is lovely. It's a dark wood color just like we wanted. And the style of it helped us narrow down cribs that we were looking at and I think we've decided on one to keep on our registry!

Another landmark moment for me this week was getting my hair chopped off into a curly-haired pixie cut. I'm still getting used to it, but I can tell you that the coolness of the style is winning out with this week's extraordinarily high heat indexes (topping out at 112!). Another time I really liked having my shorter hair was during my exercise this week. Last week, I ordered a "What to Expect When You're Expecting" exercise DVD. It's divided into cardio, strength, and stretching sections. So I've done a couple of sessions on that. And then on Tuesday, I attended a yoga class being offered through my work. I really appreciated the chance to breathe and stretch. The instructor gave also us options for many of the poses to address the varied comfort and skill levels in the room. I found the choices helpful. I did notice that I 100% could not lie on my stomach. I felt like I was squishing baby! So any time the pose began on our stomach, I curled on my side a bit. It's strange to think about all these movements affecting baby and making him or her wiggles and move!

At this point, as I've shared before, I should be able to feel baby move at any time. There have been three times where I've felt a fluttering that could be baby! But I'm still not 100% sure. And from what I've read, moms who are on their second or further child know how it feels and can pick up on the sensation earlier. Being a first time mom makes me/us less unsure and we take longer as a whole to say for sure that that's what's happening. I'm remaining hopeful for the moment where I feel the baby move without a doubt.

One final thing that happened this week is that my dosage of insulin was increased. It's been an emotional and nerve-wracking thing to have to give myself so many shots a day. Then I also have to check my sugar four times a day. I feel like I'm just poking myself with so many holes. I've shed many tears over it. When the doctor's office called and told me they were increasing my insulin, I had a moment where I felt like a failure as a mom-to-be. It was while processing these feelings with the friend above, that I realized that my own feelings are sketchy at best to trust. I can hear how hard on myself I'm being. I can hear me beating myself up and making guilt-inducing accusation about not being good enough. And I need to rely on people I trust, Dan most especially, to help me through. I continue to feel deeply grateful for him. In fact, my favorite story about his awesomeness this week was from Tuesday. Through the encouragement from some of my coworkers and from Dan, I decided to brave the yoga class even though I was extremely nervous. When I got home from what turned out to be a wonderful hour of stretching and strengthening, Dan informed me that dinner was just a few minutes from being ready, that he had set up our cable, and that he'd already set up the DVR to record "So You Think You Can Dance" for the rest of the season. He is so awesome!! I felt so taken care of. His attentiveness as a husband can do nothing but translate into loving, compassionate, attentiveness as a dad. When I have those moments where I feel completely daunted in the parental task before us, I remember that we have each other to lean on. Not to mention an incredible network of support and love from family and friends.

As for baby this week, he or she has grown to the size of a turnip or pomegranate. I think I'm going to need to check out both of these at the grocery story the next time I'm there, because neither makes a size reference I'm immediately familiar with. But my understanding is that baby is around 5 inches long or...and here's the one that stood out...about the size of my palm. So I keep imaging baby there when I look at my hand. Yet another moment that makes me tear up. 

Baby's senses are also developing more of his/her brain is controlling baby's heartbeat more efficiently, making the rate more consistent rather than erratic. The soft cartilage making up baby's skeleton is ossifying to bone. My information tells me to make sure I'm getting calcium, magnesium, iron, vitamins A, C, and D. Most of this I've already been getting through supplements per the doctor's recommendation. But I'm also trying to get them through my food and drink. My chant this week has been "better for baby" when I'm giving myself shots and making sure I intake food and drink rich in good things. 

It's less than three weeks until we find out if we're having a Bennett or an Emma! I'm so excited at how close it is! Let the countdown begin!