Part of my Residency Program is to work on call about once a week. Last night I had two calls. I was up from 3:45am onward. And while I'm exhausted and will be sleeping soon for who knows how long, I can honestly say that I feel like I made a difference in the visits I was a part of. And that feeling like I was a calming, compassionate person feels good. I hope the thought that I mattered to these people in their crises will help me rest well.
Peace.
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
To Dream, Wonder and Imagine
Currently, I'm in a CPE Residency program. For two Units I was under the supervision of a woman, E. I got pretty close to her during that time, learning about myself and exploring my vocational calling. For the third Unit of my Residency, we changed supervisors. My new supervisor, C, has been a relative unknown over the past several months. Quiet, but when she spoke, I always noticed a depth. It intrigued me. I decided to choose openness when approaching this new supervisory relationship.
I'm not quite sure why, but I already feel more comfortable with C. I find it easy to be honest and truthful with her. But I think my favorite side effect of this new relationship is her encouragement for me to dream. After our last meeting, she told me she wanted me to take some time and stop thinking about my vocational calling in terms of jobs that I knew about. Rather, she wanted me to dream with no boundaries. I was fascinated and excited! I approached it as a new spiritual practice, often using my journal as the recipient.
Over the next few days, however, I learned something that was both surprising and discouraging. I learned that it's so much harder for me to dream than it used to be! I had no idea! But over the last several years, voices (from myself and internalized from others) have battered me with questions like, "What are you going to do?" "How is that practical?" "How will you make a living with that?" and so forth. I increasingly felt inadequate when I couldn't answer. I used to dream and not try to figure out those answers right away. And I made leaps of faith that turned into some of the best decisions of my life. But during this last week, I had to consistently battle that voices of reason, doubt, and skepticism. The truth is, while I want to be a responsible adult, I don't want to be "reasonable" all the time. I was to dance, play, dream, laugh, wonder and imagine! No barriers!
How will I know if the ideal situation comes along if I haven't let myself dream what that would look like?
For this unit, I made some of the most personal goals of all four units of my CPE history. They are as follows:
1) I want to learn to be more self-aware
2) I want to more fully embrace my own uniqueness
3) I would like to learn more about my gifts for ministry (and I would like to add "for life") and how to develop them
Among the steps for each of these goals are: to do things that regularly connect me to myself like play, color, draw, sing, dance, drum, imagine, read, and do yoga and to be honest and truthful in my interactions. My goals feel like me. I was worried when I presented them because I felt vulnerable. But my group had no qualms about them. This was an example of a time when I felt leery about sharing something because I thought I would be criticized. Instead, it was no big deal. I really do think that I worry more than is necessary.
And the prescription for my worry? For now it's to dream, wonder and imagine...
I'm not quite sure why, but I already feel more comfortable with C. I find it easy to be honest and truthful with her. But I think my favorite side effect of this new relationship is her encouragement for me to dream. After our last meeting, she told me she wanted me to take some time and stop thinking about my vocational calling in terms of jobs that I knew about. Rather, she wanted me to dream with no boundaries. I was fascinated and excited! I approached it as a new spiritual practice, often using my journal as the recipient.
Over the next few days, however, I learned something that was both surprising and discouraging. I learned that it's so much harder for me to dream than it used to be! I had no idea! But over the last several years, voices (from myself and internalized from others) have battered me with questions like, "What are you going to do?" "How is that practical?" "How will you make a living with that?" and so forth. I increasingly felt inadequate when I couldn't answer. I used to dream and not try to figure out those answers right away. And I made leaps of faith that turned into some of the best decisions of my life. But during this last week, I had to consistently battle that voices of reason, doubt, and skepticism. The truth is, while I want to be a responsible adult, I don't want to be "reasonable" all the time. I was to dance, play, dream, laugh, wonder and imagine! No barriers!
How will I know if the ideal situation comes along if I haven't let myself dream what that would look like?
For this unit, I made some of the most personal goals of all four units of my CPE history. They are as follows:
1) I want to learn to be more self-aware
2) I want to more fully embrace my own uniqueness
3) I would like to learn more about my gifts for ministry (and I would like to add "for life") and how to develop them
Among the steps for each of these goals are: to do things that regularly connect me to myself like play, color, draw, sing, dance, drum, imagine, read, and do yoga and to be honest and truthful in my interactions. My goals feel like me. I was worried when I presented them because I felt vulnerable. But my group had no qualms about them. This was an example of a time when I felt leery about sharing something because I thought I would be criticized. Instead, it was no big deal. I really do think that I worry more than is necessary.
And the prescription for my worry? For now it's to dream, wonder and imagine...
Thursday, December 10, 2009
Outward Reaching, Inward Balance
A sincere artist is not one who makes a faithful attempt to put on to canvas what is in front of him, but one who tries to create something which is, in itself, a living thing. -William Dobell
So far, I'm working on one drawing order, and we've been asked about pricing from one person, and editing costs and possibilities from another. I am so grateful to not only being making this venture real, but to be doing it with someone I love and respect so much.
The KelDan Art Webpage has 176 fans! I'm hoping for 200 by the end of the year!
Today is the last day of my work week this week. And I'm hoping to utilize some of my three day weekend drawing and possibly creating other art. As ever, I'm finding the need for balance. Outward reaching, inward artitic growth...extrovertedness, inward contemplation.
Something to continually strive for! Blessings, all!
So far, I'm working on one drawing order, and we've been asked about pricing from one person, and editing costs and possibilities from another. I am so grateful to not only being making this venture real, but to be doing it with someone I love and respect so much.
The KelDan Art Webpage has 176 fans! I'm hoping for 200 by the end of the year!
Today is the last day of my work week this week. And I'm hoping to utilize some of my three day weekend drawing and possibly creating other art. As ever, I'm finding the need for balance. Outward reaching, inward artitic growth...extrovertedness, inward contemplation.
Something to continually strive for! Blessings, all!
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
Flying High and Energized!
It's official! www.keldanart.com is a LIVE site! We're still very much in the process of adding to the inventory and examples on the page, BUT it's incredible to know that people all over the world could see our artwork! Our facebook fan page has over 100 fans! My business cards are coming next week and Dan's soon thereafter. I'm so excited about all the hope and possibilities. This is me embracing what I love! No more doing something just because I can. Rather, doing the thing that makes my soul dance! Art!
So check out the website. The photographs can all be purchased. The drawings are just examples or what can be done...which means, I'm going to get my hands a-workin' and add to our inventory, hopefully making some ready-to-sell items! Dan's always available for photography and photo editing as well. The Editing portion of the site is awesome. The stuff he can do is so beyond me. I love that he can restore older family photos and brighten, soften, and remove things from photos (like power lines, or parking lots!) that hinder your photos. It's amazing!
It's incredible knowing that one of the things that is helpful for this endeavor is me sitting down and creating art. Sitting down (or bouncing around) and doing that which feeds my soul, and makes me silly. That doesn't seem real. My dad always told me, "You have to love what you do." But I have never embraced that before. But I'm embracing it now.
Welcome to the KelDan Art family, especially for all those who have found this link from our website or facebook page! Welcome to the land of silliness, where we live out our dreams! Welcome to a place where you can have your memories honored in art. Yay for you being here!
Peace!
So check out the website. The photographs can all be purchased. The drawings are just examples or what can be done...which means, I'm going to get my hands a-workin' and add to our inventory, hopefully making some ready-to-sell items! Dan's always available for photography and photo editing as well. The Editing portion of the site is awesome. The stuff he can do is so beyond me. I love that he can restore older family photos and brighten, soften, and remove things from photos (like power lines, or parking lots!) that hinder your photos. It's amazing!
It's incredible knowing that one of the things that is helpful for this endeavor is me sitting down and creating art. Sitting down (or bouncing around) and doing that which feeds my soul, and makes me silly. That doesn't seem real. My dad always told me, "You have to love what you do." But I have never embraced that before. But I'm embracing it now.
Welcome to the KelDan Art family, especially for all those who have found this link from our website or facebook page! Welcome to the land of silliness, where we live out our dreams! Welcome to a place where you can have your memories honored in art. Yay for you being here!
Peace!
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
Big Steps!
Alright! It's happening. My husband and I are taking steps to step KelDan Art! One day last weekend, I created: a facebook page (which already has 32 friends in less than a week!); a Paypal account (for future orders, I hope), an Etsy page (which I still need to download products on)!
We've been looking at creating a website (soon to be www.keldanart.com!!!) and finding out what steps we need to take to get a KelDan Art business license! It's all really exciting, but scary at the same time. I keep worrying about the negative "What if..." scenarios. So in an effort to avoid that I've been pulling strength from some quotes I've been reading about following your destiny.
Here are some of them, the first being a paraphrase because it's from "The Men Who Stare At Goats" and I don't have a way of finding out if it's accurate yet.
You have to find your destiny. If you try to do something that's not your destiny, it'll be like swimming against the tide of the river. But if you find and pursue your destiny, the river will carry you."
I really like the idea of the river carrying me. It feels hopeful, when I'm scared.
The purpose of art is not a rarified, intellectual distillate-it is life, intensified, brilliant life. -Alain Arias-Misson
The most potent muse of all is our own inner child. -Stephen Nachmanovitch
At the height of laughter, the universe is flung into a kaleidoscope of new possibilities. -Jean Houston
This one is especially potent to me at the moment, because I'm realizing how much I don't laugh in my life right now.
So you are, imagination needs moodling-long, inefficient, happy idling, dawdling and puttering. _Brenda Ueland
This I find a good reminder that our world is very driven by doing, doing, doing. And sometimes, I want to sit, and think, and be. And even if the end "product" of this isn't tangible, I need the reminder that it's still worth it.
That's plenty for now!
Here's to art, inspiration, hope, change, and following my destiny!!
We've been looking at creating a website (soon to be www.keldanart.com!!!) and finding out what steps we need to take to get a KelDan Art business license! It's all really exciting, but scary at the same time. I keep worrying about the negative "What if..." scenarios. So in an effort to avoid that I've been pulling strength from some quotes I've been reading about following your destiny.
Here are some of them, the first being a paraphrase because it's from "The Men Who Stare At Goats" and I don't have a way of finding out if it's accurate yet.
You have to find your destiny. If you try to do something that's not your destiny, it'll be like swimming against the tide of the river. But if you find and pursue your destiny, the river will carry you."
I really like the idea of the river carrying me. It feels hopeful, when I'm scared.
The purpose of art is not a rarified, intellectual distillate-it is life, intensified, brilliant life. -Alain Arias-Misson
The most potent muse of all is our own inner child. -Stephen Nachmanovitch
At the height of laughter, the universe is flung into a kaleidoscope of new possibilities. -Jean Houston
This one is especially potent to me at the moment, because I'm realizing how much I don't laugh in my life right now.
So you are, imagination needs moodling-long, inefficient, happy idling, dawdling and puttering. _Brenda Ueland
This I find a good reminder that our world is very driven by doing, doing, doing. And sometimes, I want to sit, and think, and be. And even if the end "product" of this isn't tangible, I need the reminder that it's still worth it.
That's plenty for now!
Here's to art, inspiration, hope, change, and following my destiny!!
Monday, November 2, 2009
Drawing with Loving Intentions
So you see, imagination needs moodling - long, inefficient, happy idling, dawdling and puttering. -Brenda Ueland
Tonight I drew two new drawings, both featuring the dogwood flower. You see, almost exactly a year ago the mother of one of my friend's died. After her mom's death, she mentioned that her mother's favorite flower was the flower on a dogwood tree. I made a mental note. Soon afterward, I drew a pen and ink drawing of a dogwood branch with flowers and leaves. But since my move across country, I have lost the particular sketch pad that the drawing was in. I have been devastated and furiously searching for the pad. For so long, it didn't even occur to me to try to redraw it because I was in such a less artsy place.
But tonight, as a part of my "This I Believe" group I decided to create art; and to recreate this photo idea. And because I was nervous about the process, I made an altar of sorts, which is actually a suggestion in the guidelines for this week. I took four candles that a friend made, and placed a leaf plate between them. I turned off the TV and put some music on.
Then I drew. I drew one drawing for my friend Tracy. And a second, different one for her brother. I was looking online for photo ideas for the dogwood flowers. I found one that ended up being Stephen's. Then I was looking for one for Tracy. I found a beautiful rendition of a dogwood flower, so I clicked on it to see the picture larger. The drawing was incredible. But then I froze when I saw the artist's name. What was it, you ask? Tracie Hawkins. The friend I was drawing it for? Tracy Hawkins. Fate, synchronicity, God's will, destiny...all these words have been floating in my mind. But I took it as a sign and drew my own version of that particular dogwood flower for my friend as a memory of her mom.
I've never drawn with such loving intentions before. I was silently putting love into the lines, shapes, and shading. I hope it will touch their hearts and work towards their healing.
May it be so.
Tonight I drew two new drawings, both featuring the dogwood flower. You see, almost exactly a year ago the mother of one of my friend's died. After her mom's death, she mentioned that her mother's favorite flower was the flower on a dogwood tree. I made a mental note. Soon afterward, I drew a pen and ink drawing of a dogwood branch with flowers and leaves. But since my move across country, I have lost the particular sketch pad that the drawing was in. I have been devastated and furiously searching for the pad. For so long, it didn't even occur to me to try to redraw it because I was in such a less artsy place.
But tonight, as a part of my "This I Believe" group I decided to create art; and to recreate this photo idea. And because I was nervous about the process, I made an altar of sorts, which is actually a suggestion in the guidelines for this week. I took four candles that a friend made, and placed a leaf plate between them. I turned off the TV and put some music on.
Then I drew. I drew one drawing for my friend Tracy. And a second, different one for her brother. I was looking online for photo ideas for the dogwood flowers. I found one that ended up being Stephen's. Then I was looking for one for Tracy. I found a beautiful rendition of a dogwood flower, so I clicked on it to see the picture larger. The drawing was incredible. But then I froze when I saw the artist's name. What was it, you ask? Tracie Hawkins. The friend I was drawing it for? Tracy Hawkins. Fate, synchronicity, God's will, destiny...all these words have been floating in my mind. But I took it as a sign and drew my own version of that particular dogwood flower for my friend as a memory of her mom.
Stephen's Dogwood:
Tracy's Dogwood:
I've never drawn with such loving intentions before. I was silently putting love into the lines, shapes, and shading. I hope it will touch their hearts and work towards their healing.
May it be so.
Sunday, November 1, 2009
Creativity
Creativity is an authentic spiritual path. -Julia Cameron, author of The Artist's Way
Today I shared my creative aspirations with my mother, someone who I have always counted in my mind as a negative obstacle. She wasn't. She, as most mothers I know, wants me to figure out how to make my creativity a liveable thing, but it was incredible to me that she was open to the idea. It's a beautiful thing when my parents surprise me.
How to make this real in my life:
There's a Ghandi quote that says, "I want the freedom for the full expression of my personality." Yes. That is it. I want to be able to express myself. Open myself up to art, creativity, spirituality. I want to get in touch with the world outside of the norm.
I want to be in touch with the cosmic universe and the mysteries that I think the creative and the Creator can help me reach.
Blessed be.
Today I shared my creative aspirations with my mother, someone who I have always counted in my mind as a negative obstacle. She wasn't. She, as most mothers I know, wants me to figure out how to make my creativity a liveable thing, but it was incredible to me that she was open to the idea. It's a beautiful thing when my parents surprise me.
How to make this real in my life:
- Do something everyday that is creative
- Try to work in an art store (discounts on materials!)
- Offer myself to teach an Artist's Way class at my Unitarian Universalist Church
- Take my photography portfolio to local coffee shops and see about displaying them there
- Make business cards to attach to my artwork
- Try to learn what it takes to teach art in local art stores like Michael's and local schools like a community college
There's a Ghandi quote that says, "I want the freedom for the full expression of my personality." Yes. That is it. I want to be able to express myself. Open myself up to art, creativity, spirituality. I want to get in touch with the world outside of the norm.
I want to be in touch with the cosmic universe and the mysteries that I think the creative and the Creator can help me reach.
Blessed be.
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