Creativity

Creativity is an authentic spiritual path. -Julia Cameron, author of The Artist's Way

Today I shared my creative aspirations with my mother, someone who I have always counted in my mind as a negative obstacle. She wasn't. She, as most mothers I know, wants me to figure out how to make my creativity a liveable thing, but it was incredible to me that she was open to the idea. It's a beautiful thing when my parents surprise me.

How to make this real in my life:

• Do something everyday that is creative
• Try to work in an art store (discounts on materials!)
  
• Offer myself to teach an Artist's Way class at my Unitarian Universalist Church
• Take my photography portfolio to local coffee shops and see about displaying them there
• Make business cards to attach to my artwork
• Try to learn what it takes to teach art in local art stores like Michael's and local schools like a community college

I feel as though I live my life with rubberbands around me; like I'm holding myself in to be acceptable in the job I'm in. Last night, I spent time with a Chaplain colleague and I found myself not wanting to talk about chaplaincy AT ALL. But last weekend I spent time with a friend of mind who is a dancer. Our conversation was more focused on creative expression. That conversation felt so much more freeing. I felt like I expanded myself out of my confined sense of self.

There's a Ghandi quote that says, "I want the freedom for the full expression of my personality." Yes. That is it. I want to be able to express myself. Open myself up to art, creativity, spirituality. I want to get in touch with the world outside of the norm.

I want to be in touch with the cosmic universe and the mysteries that I think the creative and the Creator can help me reach.

Blessed be.

New Creations

It's a great relief to me to know that I can actually be creative and be happy at the same time. -James W. Hall

It's been a while...

Since moving across the country, I've been terribly neglecting art. But I have taken photos, though I haven't played around with editing them as I once did.

I'm avoiding graphite drawing. It was once my best medium. I even surprised myself at times looking at what I had created. So...as all good procrastinators, I have been very productive in many, many other things. I have made my first ever photography portfiolio and made two new pieces of art with chalk pastels, one of which was a wedding gift for dear friends.

But I want to draw with pencils. They are my old friends and we need to learn about one another again.

Also, here's my breakthrough that I'm going to type, because it's likely to be as freeing as saying it aloud was:

I want to be an artist.

I want to open my eyes to the worl around me and capture it with pencils, photos, pastels and paints. It is a spiritual connection I have with nature and things beyond myself. I think it is my gift and my purpose.

I want to be an artist.

Mountain Yearnings

I have been craving to go to the NC Mountains. But then I realized that, more than that, I have wanted to live in the mountains. I worry about the winters, because I have never lived in the mountains. In fact, I've never lived in a place where it snows consistently.

I have a friend who has been trying to lure me to Brevard, NC. His bait? Four distinct seasons, more waterfalls than I've ever been around, a wonderful UU Fellowship, etc. The idea of kayaking and hiking in the mountains is the largest lure. It makes me feel like I would be connected to my soul deeply.

The mountains is where I felt the most clear and wonderful connection with god, the universe, and my small but significant place within it.

I feel crazy though. Like I'll never settle down. Like I'll never be satisfied. I also feel like I'm being selfish. I've lived away from my family for 8 years. I've been able to live a life with my husband. We've actually been more connected to our families emotionally. I do love living closer, but I can't say that living in the same town will be the right decision.

I obviously have not given this much time to process yet. I am open to staying here...for now. But I'm going to be looking for things elsewhere. I'm planning on visiting the mountains many times, especially as I have a close friend there, to make sure my heart and soul are as stirred as they once were. I want to grow, live, and develop. I want to feel connected to nature, god, life, and the universe.

Le sigh. We shall see...

New Phase

Since my last blog, my husband and I decided to move back across the country to be closer to our families. So now I'm writing from North Carolina. I'm back to writing my morning pages and hope to continue with my Artist's Dates and my continual tasks.

First goal: I want to draw at least 3-4 times a week. On our drive across country, I drew every day, but one, even if it was just a doodle. I think that was a reasonable goal. The "even if it was just a doodle" part gave me the freedom from pressure. I drew out a poem and picture for a friend whose house we stayed at on the way. It was so fun to work out an idea with her and create it right there.

So today's goal: Journal, draw, take a few pictures. Reasonable, doable, full of possibilities.

On another note, I look at the blog immediately beneath this one: "Butterfly" and it makes me sad. I left my job at my hospice for the move. I just found out yesterday that the women I drew the butterfly for passed away. It's hard to be thousands of miles from the people who understand the specialness of this woman. Kay. Her name was Kay. She was a goofy, beautiful lady from Texas and although she had lived in California for over 20 years, her Texas drawl was still noticeable. She will be missed and sweetly remembered.

Rest in peace, Kay.

Butterfly

I've been neglectful lately with regards to actually doing art. With the exception of a moment last week that I keep mentally revisiting. For those who may not be aware, I currently work with Hospice. Part of my job is visiting hospice patients and trying to identify what gives their life meaning and then do my best to bring them that in the last phase of their life. Thus prepared, imagine the following woman. She is in her early 80s and has always loved nature, once having been an avid fisherwoman. Now she is completely bed-bound in a skilled nursing facility. She does not like TV. She does not like music. "Noise" she politely describes them in her Texas southern drawl that has not diminished despite her 30+ years of living in California. "I prefer visits", she says. And so I visit her about once a week. That hour we call the "time sucker" because it flies by! It really is incredible. It's like visiting a time warp.

Something this lady also misses are butterflies and Texas wildflowers. She has tons of cards all around her room, many of them donned with one or other of those subjects. And I thought to myself, "You've drawn butterflies and flowers before. You should draw her something." For weeks, I intended to create something on my artist date to take to her. But, repeatedly, it didn't happen. So finally, I took a pad of paper and some pencils into her room last week. I told her my intentions and asked if she would be ok with the gesture. "Sure!!" she enthusiastically replied. So throughout our visit (which dove deeper into stories from her past than we had traveled together before) I drew her a monarch butterfly from one of the photos on her many cards. She watched, and we talked and laughed together. I was thrilled with the end result. Not only the picture itself, but her elation that it had been done for her. I think that she was involved in the process was also exciting for her.

The butterfly is now taped to the door of her closet, one of the two doors she faces day in and day out. Bizarrely, this has also been an even more justifiable gesture, because it is helping keep track of her ever-diminishing short term memory (i.e., does she know who drew it and when? does she remember that she likes butterflies? and so forth). But I'd be lying to myself if I said that was the reason I did it. I did it because I wanted to offer this woman who enjoys visits, a visual reminder of something she used to love in nature. I wanted to use my gift of art to make her world more lovely. And I think I did. And she is thrilled.

Mahatma Ghandi once said, "I want freedom for the full expression of my personality." I felt as though I was able to express myself in that moment; that I gave myself the freedom and the permission to express myself. And it. felt. wonderful.

Picnik

Recently, I've been feeling jealous over pictures posted by some of my friends on facebook. I could tell they had done some editing to them, and I was envious of the interesting results created. Finally, one of them explained the use of "Picnik" in the process. After a quick google search, and lots of playing, I have starting editing some of my photos. Currently, I'm obsessed with one of the editing settings called "Holga-ish". It is not, by any means, the only one that has captivated my attention. However, I figured it was best to focus on one particular setting during my first evening of editing. That way, I would not become overwhelmed too quickly.

So, for your viewing pleasure, here's one of my photos that I have edited thus far:





I am so interested in the shadows, shapes, and lighting created by this editing process. I hope to continue the fun and exhilaration. Thankfully, this has helped me have something new to try. I also recently acquired a new camera that I have yet to really take out and play with. Hopefully that will be an artist date very soon. May you all have blessings and creative inspiration!

Logistical Lethargy

I made a mistake last night. One I hope not to repeat in the future due to its detrimental effects on my artistic self. You see, the idea of one say owning a small gallery/store of my various artistic silliness has taken hold of my imagination. Yesterday, I said to myself, "When I get home, I'm going to create more art." Did that happen? No. What came in its stead? Hours of me trying to think of a name for the gallery and checking to see if the domain name online had already been taken; and searching for business cards. I felt creatively drained at the end of the night. I also felt foolish for allowing myself to get sucked into the logistical lethargy rather than playing with pastels, or paints, or pencils. As I said, a mistake I hope not to repeat. Because, while the logistical stuff is important, it is not the core of it all. Creating, being silly, playing. Those are the core elements of this new artistic life I'm dreaming about. I'll work out the logistics someday. And I hope they come naturally, just as playing with art has. And I'll continue my morning pages; I'll continue creating, and I'll continue to see the world at interesting angles and perspectives.

On a rather sad note my Artist's Way group finished its final session this Wednesday. We're going to be meeting monthly for something we've dubbed "Artist's Play" where we bring various mediums and create together in an encouraging, fun atmosphere. I look forward to that.

What else?

Oh, my imaginings have been taking more form lately, so I thought I'd take a moment to list some of what's been rolling around in my mind. If you're not a list person, feel free to skip this part of the blogging :)

• Taking my camera everywhere
• Playing with art several days a week, if not every day
• Write and illustrate a children's book
  
• Create a photo/historical coffee table book of my hometown
• Research where to find pre-cut 8x12 mats online
• Go to the art museums in my town (and surroundin towns) and note what stands out to me that I might want to try
• Continue to surround myself with people who are encouraging of these artistic endeavors
• Continue using facebook as a networking/brainstorming tool
• Take classes in photography, photoshop, drawing, and various types of painting (check local community colleges for evening classes)
  

All for now. On to creativity! On to light! On to laughter and love and silliness!